Brno

Today starts my official bed rest period. We decided to do our bed rest in Brno. We are flying out of the Vienna airport and Brno is in between Zlin and Vienna. While we would have loved to go back to Vienna, our hotel is much less expensive here. We actually have a suite with an office, a living room and two bathrooms which is not a bad way to do bed rest.

I went down for breakfast earlier and that's all I plan on doing today. Ryan ventured out to explore a bit of what Brno has to offer.

Through this whole process, I find it very difficult to hear when people say that I am brave or that we are brave. I don't feel like I am at all. I still break down and cry often and find it to be a very difficult journey but I don't feel like I have a choice. Quitting just isn't an option. So I plow along, going through the motions and doing what I have to do with several freak outs and tears along the way.  I brought this book to read while on bed rest to give me some inspiration of actual strong women.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Transfer Day

Today started as predicted. Ryan and I handle stress very differently. He sleeps a lot and I don't sleep at all. So I've been up since about 3 am. The IF PTSD is a tough thing to shake. Everytime I gear up to do this again, all my brain thinks of is the last failure and keeps replaying that in my head. I am trying very hard to push those thoughts away.
I figured since I was up I would start my morning medication routine. I starts with my thyroid pill that I can only take on an empty stomach.  Then I wait an hour, then I ate something in order to take all my pills that I have to take with food.
Next up is getting ready for the transfer. We needed to bring our meds, our clothing for the transfer, our paperwork, my meditation tapes from Jeneanne for post transfer and my good luck stone, egg and St. Gerard card and last but not least, a crazy pair of transfer socks.

Next stop, back to the Tomosov for bloodwork. That went fine, except when I left I ran into the wife of the husband that was mentioned earlier that wore underwear and slippers and she too was wearing her pajamas and slippers. I didn't have my phone handy so I couldn't snap a photo of that.

Next up, downstairs for a hearty breakfast. They make some really awesome fresh smoothies here. I ordered the pineapple and mint.

Next we explored Zlin because we had about two hours to kill. We walked around the very small city center. There was a farmers market and several little shops. We found the University where our donor came from. For a brief moment I looked around to see if anyone fit her description but quickly got over it.

We then made the trek back up the hill for our embryologist appointment and to meet with our transfer doctor. That was the most nervous I have been the whole time. Luckily we recieved good news. We had a total of 4 embryos to work with. We decided to transfer two and freeze two. Hopefully the two frozen will be for a sibling, but if this doesn't work at least we have another chance.

Next up, transfer time. We checked in and were escorted back to our recovery room

. I changed into a lovely skirt/gown and my new hopefully lucky socks.

 Ryan carried all of our lucky charms in his pocket and we waited for our final instructions. Next came in Anna, my coordinator who went over all of results and protocols. She gave us my blood test results and ryan sperm test results, all in English for our files and our doctor back home. We also ordered all of our final medications. The best news was that my progesterone levels were high enough that I didn't need to supplement with PIO!!!!! One less shot so I'm happy.

We transfered the two embryos and then they wheeled us back to our recovery bed. We had the 4 bed room to ourselves. I put on an eye mask and put on the meditation tapes. I ended up falling asleep and ryan read a book on his nook. We stayed there about an hour and a half. Then I slowly got up and we headed to the lobby to meet our driver to our next hotel in Brno which is about an hour away. As soon as we checked in to our room, I put on my pj's and bed rest officially begins.  And now the 2WW....

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Fertilization Report

Our ER was yesterday and below is the report and our next steps. We are very happy with the results, but will be on pins and needles until we get our final report on the 19th.

We will try and keep busy over the next few days. I found a place to hang our good luck egg in our hotel room. Tomorrow we are taking a day trip to Saltzburg which we are very much looking forward to.

Here is our report:
Yesterday we retrieved 12 eggs from a donor,

12 of them were mature, and 10 were fertilized with  PICSI, so you have 10 embryos now. They are monitored by EmbryoScope.

Your partner had his semen analysis done and the result is  asthenosperm (sufficient for IVF)  . He had 0 dose of sperm cryopreserved because the whole sample was used for fertilization.

Embryo transfer is scheduled for Tuesday 1:00 pm( 13:00 pm).

Please, have all your medication as prescribed as well as morning Progesterone (Utrogestan) pills vaginally. The main ingredient will be absorbed within 30 mins and white discharge will be cleaned in the operation theatre during embryo transfer.

Please come at 10:00 am  to 3d floor to give your blood for progesterone level.

You can have your breakfast before giving a blood.

You will have your consultation with embryologist at  12:40 pm    – please come to the 3d floor, you will be given an information about how many embryos you have and what quality they are.

Take your passports  and filled consent forms, which you will sign in front of the doctor or other clinic staff.  We cannot provide ET without signed consent forms.

After the consultation please come to 1st floor to financial dept. to balance your payment.

Then please come to 3d floor for the transfer. Please, take a bathrobe (long t-shirt) and slippers (socks) with you.  You will stay in the recovery room after the transfer for about 1 hour and I will then bring you the final report to your room.

It is better if you have a half full bladder for embryo transfer. You may drink around 2 glasses of water 1 hr before the embryo transfer, or just do not use the bathroom 2hrs before the procedure. Please, do not lead it to the critical as well, because you need to lie for 1 more hour once embryos are transferred.

You will continue taking medications prescribed, so please  make sure you have enough until  week 12th . I can give you the prescriptions for the meds you missing or make sure you will be able to arrange the meds in your country.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

We Have a Green Light

We are officially moving forward with our cycle in the Czech Republic.  Today I went for an ultrasound with our clinic here in San Diego and was given the green light.  Our clinic in the Czech Republic require a lining of 7 or higher after being on estradiol for 10 days.  Today marked day 10 so off to the clinic I went at 8am.  My lining measure 10.5 and we measured 3 times to make sure.  As a side note my AFC was 9.  I swear they were just there mocking me.  So I sent off my ultrasound pictures and results and received an email back from my clinic in the Czech Republic saying:

Your lining is excellent. Please, continue with the medication schedule without any change.

 Look forward to see you soon.

So off to the Czech Republic we go.  First we are heading to Budapest to get in a quick 4 day vacation before the whole process starts.  Here is our anticipated timeline:

April 9th - 12th - Budapest
April 13th - Ultrasound and Blood work at the Zlin clinic to make sure my lining and estrogen and progesterone levels are correct
April 14th - Egg retrieval from donor
April 15th - 18th Vienna
April 19th - transfer
April 19th - 22nd - bed rest in BRNO
April 23rd - home

We appreciate all the love and support we have recieved.  We can really use your prayers and well wishes in the next several days especially on the 19th.  CZ is 9 hours ahead so we are guessing our transfer will happen at around 1am or 2am west coast time.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

2WW

The 2WW (two week wait) is the dreaded time after a transfer and before you find out if you are PG or not.  BFN or BFP???  This is by far one of the hardest thing about infertility.  This is now all mental.  I have done all that I can do leading up to this and now I just pray every second of every day that my embryos have decided to snuggle in and stay.

Right now I am still on blood thinners (nightly awful shots), estrogen, progesterone, steroids and vitamins and supplements.  Physically I have some minor cramping that has gone on non-stop since about a week ago but that's about it.

There are other things that I am trying to do to help.  I am on a website message board that is only for people with infertility.  I asked people that got their BFPs what they did on the day of the transfer and what they did during the 2WW.  Here is the combined list of all that research.  Do I really think that eating a brazil nut a day will be the answer to all my problems, probably not, but it sure doesn't hurt and they do taste pretty yummy.

FET & 2WW Protocols

Eat 2 or more brazil nuts every day
No cold foods during 2WW
Room temperature beverages only for 2WW
No raw fruits or veggies for 2WW
When laying down, lay of left side for improved circulation
Acupuncture immediately after before and after transfer
Crew length socks at all times for two weeks
Think happy thoughts

Pray

Eat pineapple core for bromelain 

Eat walnuts

Eat kiwi

Add ginger to water or tea

Add lemon to water or tea

Do not raise heart rate

Do not raise core body temperature

Watch comedies and try to laugh

Walk or swimming is ok as long as it is gentle

Light yoga is okay with modifications

Today's happy socks

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER

FET Recap

Today was our FET, our long awaited, highly anticipated FET.  We don't have the best news to share but we are trying very hard to stay hopeful and positive.  One of our embryos had some complications and it isn't looking too good right now.  We did still end up transferring both which I will explain in a minute and we still have high hopes for both of them.

I started off the day with a wonderful yoga practice at 7am.  While I was at yoga I asked Ryan to run to the store and pick up some last minute items.  I have been doing all kinds of research from women who got positive results and what they did on the day of their transfer and what they did during the 2WW.  Of course it was all over the place and I really don't feel like eating one kiwi will actually be the deal maker but it really helps my mental health to continue to do all I can to make this miracle happen.  So off to yoga I went and off to the store he went.  When I came back home I was greeted with a really sweet card from him.  I then took a bath since it would be a while before I can take a nice long hot one again and Ryan took Parker on a walk, then off we went.

We went to SDFC and checked in.  There was a friendly face in the lobby, a friend's mother was keeping her company before her ER.  She gave me a giant hug before I went in and it was very comforting.  First stop was acupuncture.  Ryan kept me company in the room.  Then about 5 minutes in, I realized I forgot my awesome socks.  Ryan ran back home to get them.  Staying warm is one of the good luck, fingers crossed tricks to try.  So I stayed and did my treatment sans socks for now, but rockin my awesome Motley Crue shirt.  Oh and we listened to Without You on the way to the clinic. It was our song at our wedding and always puts a smile on our faces.

This isn't a stock photo, this is our actual embryo.
Our perfect and wonderful embryo.
This is the one the survived the thaw strong and intact.

Next stop was the surgical center at SDFC.  The FET was performed in the minor procedures room.  I took my valium (they give you one to relax if you want one) and settled in to start to relax.  Then the embryologist came in to deliver the news.  We had two chromosomally normal embryos frozen in  June.  We had decided to implant both to increase our chances of a live birth.

This is our other embryo that needs some extra love and prayers.
We have not given up and hope.
This one fights just a little harder than it should have to.

About 2-3 years ago the technology of freezing embryos wasn't where it is today.  Today there is very little chance of losing an embryo in the thaw, about 4% chance really.  Well we have a way of always falling into those tiny minute crap odds.  One of ours started to leak and collapse during the thaw.  It was so unexpected.  Of all the things that could go wrong, this didn't even register as a possibility. Ryan wasn't back yet and I just crumbled into the arms of the embryologist.  As soon as Ryan walked in and saw me crying, I'm sure he knew.  I went from her arms around me to his.  We were both truly devastated.  We collected ourselves and the doctor came in.   We talked about what had happened and what the next steps would be,  The good news is that our other embryo did great and was looking really good.  The second embryo, while breaking down, still had a few cells in it and he recommended still transferring that one.  I asked if we should still have hope and his answer was that the odds weren't 0 so we should remain hopeful.  So with my fancy socks on we moved forward with the FET.

The bright white line below the green arrow are our embryos.

The whole FET procedure does not take very long at all.  You fill out some paperwork, sign some legal consent forms and they go over the procedure and what your limitations are afterwards.  There is a monitor connected to the lab and they flash on the screen our petri dish with our name on it and we confirm that it is ours.  Then they insert the catheter.  We had some HCG added to the embryo solution.  That is a fairly newer trick they are trying to help with implantation.  They whole procedure we can see on another ultrasound monitor to the side of me.  They insert the embryos and take a picture and we have a photo of the exact second they come back to me.  As soon as I saw them on the screen I closed my eyes and began to talk to them.  I welcomed them home and promised I would take good care of them for the next 9 months and hoped that they would stay.  When it was over you stay on the gurney for about 20 minutes.  As soon as the doctors and nurses left.  I put my hand on my belly to say hello and Ryan did too.

After the FET I went back to acupuncture for  my follow up treatment.  I then came home, ate some soup, only warm food for the next two weeks and practically melted onto the couch.  Between all the stress of the day I was exhausted.  Later, I watched comedies on Netflix.  I had read that laughing is really good, both for your emotional self as well as it physically helps increase blood flow to your stomach muscles.

3 Days To Go

So yesterday I had my peace of mind appointment at the fertility clinic.  I had an ultrasound done to take a look at my uterine lining and make sure that everything was still ok.  I hadn't had a check in four days so I was really nervous.  I also hadn't spotted in four days so that was a good thing.  The results of the ultrasound were really good and really reassuring.  My lining measure 9.5 which meant it was still getting thicker even with the introduction of progesterone.  Progesterone collapses your lining from triple lined to a compacted single lined structure so usually it measure the same or smaller than the time before.  The previous time I had measure a little over 8. There was still no activity going on in my ovaries (that's what we want to happen).  The only thing she could see on the ultrasound was some fluid in my cervix and she suspects that's where the spotting was coming from and predicted that I will see some more.  When i asked if I should be worried about it, her comment to me was "If I was sitting here getting these results about my cycle I would be thrilled and wouldn't hesitate for a second to move one with my transfer".  So with that, I decided to go forward with our transfer on Monday.

I decided to treat myself to a massage.  The amount of stress and worry and anxiety that I am literally carrying on my shoulders deserved to relax a bit.  So I had an amazing massage that helped to relieve the tension.  It was a great distraction.

Next I went and got my hair done.  My last fertility clinic, didn't allow you to use hair color in the 2WW and hopefully after the BFP for the next 12 weeks.  So I got it done on the last day possible.  That was also nice and relaxing.

Then when my husband came home from work, he brought me a beautiful purple orchid.

With all the relaxation of the day, I still find myself laying awake at night contemplating all the What Ifs that are about to happen.  As hard as I try, I just can't quiet the chatter inside.

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER

The Calendar & The Protocols

We received our calendar and all of our protocols and everything else that comes along with an FET.  Its exciting and nerve wracking, high anxiety, tons of fear and lots of hope and literally about every other emotion that goes along with it.  We have consulted with our naturopathic doctors, our reproductive endocrinologist, our acupuncturist, our friends in our support group, our friends in our online support group and of course the internet.  We decided on a protocol that we both feel comfortable with. We are literally doing everything we possibly can to help our embryos implant.

Our protocol includes; bcps, lupron, vivelle patches, prednisone, dexamethasone, lovenox, endometrin and antibiotics.  For treatments and procedures we are doing the scratch (Ryan is out of town but luckily my Mom is available and she will go with me), intralipids and acupuncture.  I have 4 blood tests along the way to make sure that all my hormone levels are where they should be and the last one is specifically to test my thyroid.  At the transfer, along with the embryos we will inject hcg in the catheter.  If I stay on track and all the blood tests and ultrasounds look good then our FET is tentatively scheduled for Sept 30th.  And then all that's left to do is hope and pray that this works.

Here is my latest calendar (written out on my Chargers calendar).  It is so much easier to have it all written out.  With so many drugs it makes it much easier to keep track.  Its also a great visual to know where the end goal is.  Once I start the injections, I start crossing the days off and counting down how many needles I have left.  It's little things like that that help me get through the craziness of fertility drugs.  31 injections until our FET.  Our last IVF cycle we did over 80 shots so just writing 31 makes me feel so much better.

August

September

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER

The Next Step is Finally Here

I finally got the all clear from all my doctors and started the next step of the process which is priming for the FET.  I started bcps last tuesday and I got in tomorrow for blood work and an ultrasound.  If everything checks out ok, I will get my calendar for the upcoming FET.

We are going to throw everything we can at this transfer which means doing every procedure, every drug, every supplement and every lifestyle change we can to hope and pray that this one works.

So far I have focused on my fertility focused diet and as much yoga as I can possibly do.  One day I did 3 classes!  I am taking supplements for health, being a vegetarian and for the transfer.  Next I am going to work on the mind part of this.  I just ordered some affirmation cards and I am going to start meditating on a more frequent basis.

As far as how many embryos we will transfer, at the moment we are leaning towards transferring both.  However we are always changing our minds so we still have time to change back to one only.  The final decision has to be made the day before the transfer so we have until then to decide for sure.

Lastly, my mantle of hope has grown a little bigger.  A friend gifted to Ryan and I a rock that says live to help us to remember that our infertility and our struggles don't define us, yes it is a part of who we have become but it isn't the whole part.  We have to remember to LIVE!

And on that happy note, Ryan and I are off to Kauai to celebrate our 5th anniversary, to relax and destress and get ready for our transfer.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Slight Delay in Plans

So about 2 years ago I started noticing this lump in my left rib cage.  It is a nothing thing except very irritating.  But my focus was on infertility so I ignored it.  Anyways fast forward to now and I have 7 of these annoying lumps (called lipomas), 3 in my leg, 3 in my arm and the same one in my ribs.  3 of them are very painful.  I went to a surgeon yesterday and he is going to remove them on Monday.  It will be under anesthesia and I will have to be on antibiotics for 10 days.

I have decided to postpone the transfer.  Both antibiotics and anesthesia wreck havoc on my body, especially on my cycle.  I usually have breakthrough bleeding.  Since I have waited so long for this opportunity, I want everything in the best possible state within my control.  Therefore, this will delay the process.  This will push back my plan to start in July to priming in August.   That will put the transfer in September or early October.

Both Ryan and I are in agreement to put it off but it's still tough to wait even longer for this to happen.  If these things weren't painful I wouldn't be doing this, but these little suckers are very painful.  Just another minor setback in our infertility journey.

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER