Closure

What a funny title, closure.  Does anyone truly get closure after some life altering blow like this?  Does anyone ever move on from it?  Will I ever move on?  I doubt it.  I will always have this journey as part of my story and my family's story.  This is now embedded in the fabric of who we are and what we have become.  We are now officially a family of 3.  Even as I type this is still doesn't feel totally real and final, even though it is.  I guess the fog hasn't truly lifted.  May was spent in a daze, in true disbelief.  June was spent grieving.  Lots and lots of tears.  July was spent angry.
Now it is August 1st and I'm drawn back to the keyboard trying to find a way to deal with all the feelings.  All I know is that I am tired of feeling sad and angry all the time.  So I am calling August my month of gratitude. Years ago I was so defeated that I never even thought I would have a baby.  Then during my pregnancy, the horrible shock of having to say goodbye to one baby and faced with the threat of losing the other, I prayed every day that I would someday get to hold him in my arms and see his smiling face.  Well here I sit and I am blessed with love and laughter every day and at least for August I am going to try and focus on that.  While I will never get over losing our other baby, I am tasking myself with finding a way to mother the best that I can and find a way to bring that baggage along for the ride that isn't detrimental to either of us.  After all we did name him Duncan because it means fighter and boy did he fight to join us Earth side and be a part of our lives.  So now I fight to show him that we can cry sometimes, but that we can also pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and find the good out there.  When I first started writing this blog it was for myself, I needed to find a way to express how I was feeling.  Then I decided to write it for others that didn't have their voice yet.  So many folks battling infertility fight it alone.  But, now I write it for him.  I want him to know his story and how much I loved him for years before we ever met.  My goal is to get this printed and bound for him.  And just like with our journey, we needed an end point, a time to say we did our best and did all we could, this blog also needs an endpoint.  This is just one of the ways I can hope to find that magical mysterious thing called closure.  So I'll end this in gratitude to my dear son.

Duncan, 
You are the stars and the moon and the sun and all that is amazing in my world.  I am beyond lucky and grateful to finally be able to hold the title of your mother.  I hope one day that you will read this and just know how hard your father and I fought for you.  Know that we did all we could.  I am so sorry that you entered this world without your twin.  I am so devastated for you that your start was with loss.  I am heartbroken for how your story began.  We all know how strong you are and I hope that through out your life you can call on that strength whenever you need it. You are that fighter that we prayed for.  Fight every day for happiness and to see the good in this world.   I love you more than words can express.
Love,
Mom

I'm PUPO

It's an infertility term.  It means Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise.  It's a weird state of limbo to be in.  Technically if I am pregnant, I would be 6 days pregnant because we transferred 5 day old embryos.  6 days pregnant doesn't mean really anything to my body, however the mind is a power thing.  Every breath almost makes me wonder if I'm pregnant.  Plus a few of the medications I'm on have similar pregnancy side effects.  And on top of that I have some slight cramping, but that's probably just due to the progesterone and the FET procedure itself.  It's still a funny spot to be in though.  Just constantly wondering.  Dealing and living through this so many times, it still never gets any easier.  The wait is always the hardest.
So what to do to pass the time?  Number one this to do is pray.  My Aunt wrote me a prayer and I've read that a few times.  I've also prayed on my own.  Now more than ever is a timenfor faith.
The next thing I do is talk to my babies.  I place my hand below my navel and welcome them home.  Promise to keep them healthy and well fed.  Promise to love them and grow a beautiful home for them.  Aside from that, there are lots of superstitions and good luck charms surrounding the infamous waiting period.  If anything,  it just makes me feel like I'm doing something and somewhat participating in the process.  I eat Brazil nuts daily.  Brazil nuts contain selenium, which is a mineral that helps to thicken the uterine wall, and a healthy lining aids in implantation.  I take selenium pills, but add eating brazil nuts after transfer.  I also eat pineapple.  Pineapple contains bromelain which has anti inflammatory properties that has a natural anti-inflammatory effect.  I eat warm things and drink tea and lay on my back or left side to increase circulation to the uterus and try and sit as little as possible.

Lastly I have some lucky charms.  First off, on our last trip I found a beautiful egg ornament in Hungary that came with a beautiful story about fertility.  It spoke to us immediately and we bought it and carried it with us everywhere,  continued taking it to every prenatal appointment and took Duncans newborn photos with it.  This whole trip I was looking for something to bring us luck and nothing spoke to me.  The day before our transfering, I was putting something in the diaper bag and found a small bag containing a necklace from Ryan's grandmother who recently passed away.  We were at her home recently and Ryan's mother let me choose what I wanted and I choose that.  I thought I had put it with the stemware I also brought back, but it was sealed away in a special pocket in the backpack.  As soon as I found it, Ryan said, "maybe that's our good luck charm".  Heck ya it is!  His grandmother was always so supportive and special and would send us these beautiful cards during all our previous cycles.  This is for sure her looking over us.  She is our guardian angel.  I put the necklace on and wore it to the transfer.  Duncan asked what it was and I told him it was Grandma Rita's and he said "I love you Grandma Rita".  And we do love her very much and feel so special to have her looking out for us.

Lastly I have another pair of lucky socks on.  Todays socks are lemurs.  Lemurs hold a special place in our hearts.  We have a memorial plaque for the baby we lost in front of the lemurs at the San Diego Zoo.  We chose lemurs for two reason.  Their name means angel and because they are vegetarians:)  I always say that Duncan has a very special angel looking out for him.  So when I saw the lemur socks I knew they would be perfect for implantation day.

Ryan and Duncan are enjoying a lovely afternoon in Prague and I'm relaxing in our room.

As always, Thanks for Reading!
HEATHER

x

Day 10 - FET Day

Today is the big day!  It's 4am here now and of course I can't sleep.  So much going on.
In a few short hours (around 10pm California time) the embryologist will wake our embryos from their deep sleep from the last 3 years.  Hopefully they had a great nap and are ready to go to work.  That's the first big obstacle,  surviving the thaw. 
Then at 11am our time (2am California time) we meet with the embryologist to find out their status.  We had 2 perfectly graded embryos going into the freeze and hopefully that's what we get out.
Then at 1pm our time (5am California time) I head into the operating room and transfer those embabies and welcome them home.  Then it's 1 hour in recovery trying to stay perfectly still and then after that it's the waiting game.
So today is the day.  Pray that our little ones find comfort and want to stick around for about the next 39 or so weeks.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Day 9 Tabor -> Zlin

Awoke to a beautiful morning in Tabor.  The weather was perfect, the sun was out and a great day for a walk.  Breakfast was included at our hotel and it was awesome.  Another place with pretty good gluten free bread too.  If you ever find yourself in the small town of Tabor, I recommend the Hotel Nautilus.  I wanted to shop and Duncan wanted to watch the construction guy drive a skid steer so we split up and I walked and Ryan and Duncan watched the crew working on the old church in town.  I found an adorable shop that I bought a Christmas ornament in as a souvenir from our trip.  Then I found a coffee shop that also sold art and books.  I bought two books for Duncan, one is a book in Czech about football and another in English about the Mole that's a popular toy here.  I also found a cool print to frame and put in his room and another painting for our bathroom. We squeezed as much as we could in and then had to leave and head to Zlin which was about 3 hours away.
One of the main things I wanted to accomplish on this trip was to make Duncan a scrapbook photo album so he could see for himself where he began.  I bought a nice camera before we left and made it a goal to take him around Zlin and take lots of pictures.  I got a good hour in today and will continue tomorrow.
Then it was time for my massage.  That wasn't an option the last time I was here so I was glad to take advantage this time.  Plus for a 90 min massage, it only costs $30!  While I got my massage, Ryan found a playground to take Duncan to.  Then they got food to go at the place we ate at last time because again it's literally the only vegetarian place in town.  It is good though so it worked. While I was waiting for the boys to being food back, I enjoyed a glass of wine on the patio.  It was so pretty out and nice and quiet. 

After dinner we went back to the hotel we stayed at the last time we were here called Pension Uno.  We had dessert in their restaurant and took lots more photos.  We talked about just how crazy it was to be back there.  The last time we were there we had no clue about if this crazy plan of ours would work and now we are here with a 2 year old.  Just crazy. 
Well off to bed as tomorrow is the big day. Lots and lots of appointments and things going on.  I'll update as soon as I can.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER
 

Day 2 Prague->Kutna Hora->Zlin

I'll jump to the best part of the day first.  In the afternoon we made it to the clinic and I met with a doctor and had an ultrasound check.  Because we used miles to travel, we had few options on which day we left and that meant we were traveling on a day that I needed to have my lining checked and checking it at home would have been too early to matter.  Last time I did that back in the States but this time I didn't have any checks until we got here.  I was a but nervous that they would find something to screw things up, but my check went wonderfully.

• Lining measured 11.8.  This was wonderful news.  You want your lining to be a 7 or better.
• No cysts.  If they find one, it could cancel the cycle because the cyst feeds off of the same hormones you need for the embryo to implant and grow.  My uterus is still squeaky clean!
• No follicles are growing on either side.  That means the drugs are working and everything looks good for transfer.
• They checked my c section scar and gave the ok to transfer 2.  Our doctor in the US also did that and said my scar looked great, but this was a final check here that they needed to do.

In the morning I will go for my infusion and blood draw to determine my next medication schedule.  This is all great stuff and made me feel so much better to cross this off the list and move forward.  Ok so now I can tell you all about the rest of our day, but wanted to share all that good stuff first.

After a rough go of it getting Duncan to go to sleep, once he was asleep, he slept like an angel.  Ryan went and got our rental car and I reorganized our things and got us all ready all while he slept.  We loaded up the car and headed to our first stop.  We decided on Kutna Hora to break up the long ride to Zlin. As soon as we made it onto the freeway, we found a radio station called Rock Zone and Motley Crue's new song The Dirt came on.  I take this as a very good sign. Kutna Hora is about an hour and a half outside of Prague.  It is a small city with quaint curvy cobblestone streets.  Duncan learned the hard way that he can't run on them like he does at home and feel and scraped his hand.  We went to St. Barbara's Church.  It was beautiful on the inside, but we were short on time and had to skip the full inside tour.  We had time for one thing there so we choose to go to a chocolate museum and chocolate shop.  She said the museum was the worlds smallest.  It was really just a room in the back of the store, but it was filled with artifacts and information.  She gave us a brief history of the company, which at one time made over 5, 000 types of candies and chocolates, but then enter Nazi's and WWII and they were taken over and ruined. Recently they reopened as a small batch company and does everything on a much smaller scale.  After the museum, of course we had to buy and sample chocolate.  Duncan has had chocolate in things before, but this was the first time he has ever had a chocolate bar.  At first taste, he declared "I like it, I like it"!  We bought dark chocolate with cacao nibs, plain milk chocolate, white chocolate with cocoa nibs and dark chocolate with ginger.  All were pulled from a bag and pieces were broken off and weighed.  It was a great experience.  Then we walked for a bit and then had to leave to head to Zlin.

Zlin was about a 3 hour car ride away.  We all piled in the car and choose to eat granola bars and other car snacks instead of a proper lunch.  Duncan lasted about 1 hour and then fell asleep for the rest of the ride and I joined him soon after.

Next stop, Zlin.  We arrived about 10 minutes before my appointment and Duncan was still asleep. Ryan stayed with him in the car and I went upstairs.  It is very surreal being back here.  Walking through those doors, it all came flooding back.  I was so nervous last time.  There was a wall with baby pictures on it and I remember praying that one day I would have a photo on that wall.  Now I'm returning and I have a 2 year old in tow with me outside.  Just a flood of all the feels as I walked inside.  On our last trip out here, we became obsessed with a TV channel called Octo Gold.  It was a Czech version of a music television channel, but everything was from the seventies and it was amazing.  The music, the clothes the make up, all fantastically amazing eye candy in a it's so bad it's great kind of way.  Well I walked in and they had on their TV in the waiting room, Octo Star and it was just as glorious.

This made me laugh and immediately made me relax and smile.  I sent Ryan a screenshot of it as he was stuck in the parking lot with our sleeping babe in the car.

After my appointment,  Duncan was still asleep, so we piled back in the car and drove to an old castle that is about 20 min outside of town called Hrad Malenovice.  He still was asleep when we got there so we each took turns walking around.  He woke up right as we were leaving so we got him out and let him run around a bit. Then we piled back in and headed to dinner.

At Hrad Malenovice with a view of Zlin behind me

I had researched and found a restaurant in town that had vegan and gluten free options.  It did not disappoint and for those that dont know, finding anything vegan in CZ is a herculean task so to find one in Zlin was amazing.  It wasn't all vegan, but had several choices for me.  I devoured my grilled tempeh Asian salad because I'm not sure when I'll have more food like this in the next week or so.  Ryan had a peanut chicken salad and what I absolutely loved was that the choices off the kids menu were grilled chicken or grilled salmon, not mac n cheese or friend chicken fingers.  It was actual good food, not crap, but just smaller portions.  Duncan was served a grilled piece of salmon, on potato puree and a spring salad. He ate every single bite.  We also decided to have some drinks. Ryan had a pint of Bernard beer.  I had a glass of house made mulled wine and I ordered Duncan a grapefruit lemonade which I could opt for no sugar added.  It was basically, dried grapefruit, lemon, mint, strawberries and sparkling water.  He was a fan.  We then found a small patch of grass and let him run around to burn some energy before heading back to the room.

In the morning we will have breakfast at the hotel and then I head to my next appointment.  Oh and we celebrate another trip around the sun for my husband.  What better way to say happy birthday than a trip to a fertility clinic in Zlin :)

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER 

Day 1

Day 1 has not much to report.  It was a very long travel day.  We started off a bit stressed though.  My dad took us to the airport in our car. We hopped out, grabbed out suitcases and said goodbye.  Made it to the ticket counter and realized we left the car seat in the car.  Emergency phone call to him to come back and we paced outside until he got there.  Hopefully we got our mistake out the way early on this trip because it's always something.  We left San Diego at almost 9pm at night.  I wasn't sure how this would turn out, but it worked great.  Duncan was so excited to be on the plane,  he was having the best time.  I hit up my local Buy Nothing group so he had a few new to him cars and trucks for the flight that kept him busy for a bit.  Then they served dinner pretty quick and that helped.  He also doesn't get any screen time at home and was over the moon excited to watch TV on the plane.  They have a kids channel and on there they had old school Tom & Jerry cartoons.  He kept saying "what are they doing" and laughing really hard.  He then quickly made himself at home on my side and slept the rest of the 10 hour flight. Me not so much because there just isnt enough room for both of us. 

I tried laying on my side, but that just put me on top of a very hard piece of plastic, buy hey at least he slept.  I ended up sitting up and watched the Girl in the Spiders Web, which was awful by the way, but nice to relax and veg out and watch a movie. Ryan slept a lot which was nice for him too.  Duncan only woke when I had to put him back on his side and buckle him up.  So the first long flight was great.  Then we ended up having about a 5 hour layover in London.  This too wasn't bad.  They have a kids lounge in the British Airways lounge that was full of toys to keep him busy.  The last flight had a lot of fussing because he was just exhausted.  He wanted to be held and was mad that he had to sit in his own seat.  A few meltdowns on the short 2 hours to Prague, but nothing terrible.  We booked a hotel right at the airport because we landed at 11pm.  Wanted to just pop over and grab some sleep before we head out in the am. We checked in and that's when the real meltdown happened.  He was just way over tired.  He kept saying he wanted to go home, this bed is weird and he is all done.  Wanted to read books and not sleep.  He didn't end up falling asleep until about 3am.  I'm writing this at 6am wide awake.  He is still asleep.
Today we have a quick stop in Kutna Hora just to break up the drive.  Then on to Zlin for a 2:30pm meeting with my doctor and an ultrasound to check on my lining.  There is always a fear that the small amount of radiation on a plane can collapse your lining so here is to thick numbers. And an uneventful 4 hour drive today to the clinic.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

PS - if you want to communicate with us while we are gone,  I opted not to pay for a plan on my phone, but Ryan has one on his phone.  So you can text him, email either of us, use fb messenger for me or What's App for either of us. Basically just don't text me because I won't see it.

Finding Ways to Workout

Happy Sunday Everyone!

Just a quick update for tonight.  I thought I was going to have a D&C this month, but the timing of it all isn't right.  So that will be postponed until next month.  So for now I'm just on birth control pills and waiting for an updated protocol tomorrow.

On the to do list is: update labs, update STD tests (every clinic in the US and overseas requires both parties to take STDs tests before treatment and update these teats every year) and price match meds.

In the meantime, it's Sunday and that means its Zumba time!  My son has never been in daycare, both of us for several reasons have found it hard to be apart.  That being said, finding time to work out is tough.  But I found an amazing
Zumba teacher about a year or so ago (you may recognize her from a previous post) and I strap him in and off we go.  We usually dance outside at a part and between the music, the fresh air and all the dancing, he has never lasted an entire Zumba class awake.  It always puts him to sleep and I get an extra workout carrying around an extra 30lbs!  I of course don't do much of the jump but I laugh the whole time and laughing sometimes truly is all you need.  So do something that makes you smile today!


Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

BFP

It is with great excitement and a lot of trepidation that we announce that our beta test came in and it was positive, I'm pregnant. (maybe it was the good luck egg!)  It is still very early so its really soon to start actually celebrating, but when I started this blog, the goal was to be open and honest about my journey so that others wouldn't feel alone and those not directly involved could get a glimpse into the life of a couple on this journey.

Out of respect for my friends that are still on their journeys, I will end my blog here and continue on a new blog to keep everything separate.  It is extremely painful to read anything about anyone being pregnant when you aren't and every aching fiber in your being wants to be.  I wish all my fellow fertility challenged friends the very best of luck and hope to see you soon on the other side of it.

If you would like to follow the next part of this journey, my new blog is called The Pregnant Infertile and you can find it here: thepregnantinfertile.blogspot.com

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Brno

Today starts my official bed rest period. We decided to do our bed rest in Brno. We are flying out of the Vienna airport and Brno is in between Zlin and Vienna. While we would have loved to go back to Vienna, our hotel is much less expensive here. We actually have a suite with an office, a living room and two bathrooms which is not a bad way to do bed rest.

I went down for breakfast earlier and that's all I plan on doing today. Ryan ventured out to explore a bit of what Brno has to offer.

Through this whole process, I find it very difficult to hear when people say that I am brave or that we are brave. I don't feel like I am at all. I still break down and cry often and find it to be a very difficult journey but I don't feel like I have a choice. Quitting just isn't an option. So I plow along, going through the motions and doing what I have to do with several freak outs and tears along the way.  I brought this book to read while on bed rest to give me some inspiration of actual strong women.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Transfer Day

Today started as predicted. Ryan and I handle stress very differently. He sleeps a lot and I don't sleep at all. So I've been up since about 3 am. The IF PTSD is a tough thing to shake. Everytime I gear up to do this again, all my brain thinks of is the last failure and keeps replaying that in my head. I am trying very hard to push those thoughts away.
I figured since I was up I would start my morning medication routine. I starts with my thyroid pill that I can only take on an empty stomach.  Then I wait an hour, then I ate something in order to take all my pills that I have to take with food.
Next up is getting ready for the transfer. We needed to bring our meds, our clothing for the transfer, our paperwork, my meditation tapes from Jeneanne for post transfer and my good luck stone, egg and St. Gerard card and last but not least, a crazy pair of transfer socks.

Next stop, back to the Tomosov for bloodwork. That went fine, except when I left I ran into the wife of the husband that was mentioned earlier that wore underwear and slippers and she too was wearing her pajamas and slippers. I didn't have my phone handy so I couldn't snap a photo of that.

Next up, downstairs for a hearty breakfast. They make some really awesome fresh smoothies here. I ordered the pineapple and mint.

Next we explored Zlin because we had about two hours to kill. We walked around the very small city center. There was a farmers market and several little shops. We found the University where our donor came from. For a brief moment I looked around to see if anyone fit her description but quickly got over it.

We then made the trek back up the hill for our embryologist appointment and to meet with our transfer doctor. That was the most nervous I have been the whole time. Luckily we recieved good news. We had a total of 4 embryos to work with. We decided to transfer two and freeze two. Hopefully the two frozen will be for a sibling, but if this doesn't work at least we have another chance.

Next up, transfer time. We checked in and were escorted back to our recovery room

. I changed into a lovely skirt/gown and my new hopefully lucky socks.

 Ryan carried all of our lucky charms in his pocket and we waited for our final instructions. Next came in Anna, my coordinator who went over all of results and protocols. She gave us my blood test results and ryan sperm test results, all in English for our files and our doctor back home. We also ordered all of our final medications. The best news was that my progesterone levels were high enough that I didn't need to supplement with PIO!!!!! One less shot so I'm happy.

We transfered the two embryos and then they wheeled us back to our recovery bed. We had the 4 bed room to ourselves. I put on an eye mask and put on the meditation tapes. I ended up falling asleep and ryan read a book on his nook. We stayed there about an hour and a half. Then I slowly got up and we headed to the lobby to meet our driver to our next hotel in Brno which is about an hour away. As soon as we checked in to our room, I put on my pj's and bed rest officially begins.  And now the 2WW....

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Clinic Day 2

Today was Ryan's day. We went back to the clinic. We had to check in between 8 and 9 am. Calling the cab proved again to be difficult because our phone did not want to cooperate even though we used it the night before without problems. But we have someone in the restaurant call for us and the cab was there about 20 min later.

We arrived with plenty of time to spare. We filled out some paprework and took a seat. Now being IVF vets and doing this and living through all this, I really thought I had seen and heard it all. Well....... today was a first. A man walked into the sperm collection area wearing slippers and boxers.

 What the heck man! Dude! Ryan and I didn't know where to look. At least it gave us something to laugh about at least.

Now I sit in the train station anxiously awaiting the report from the clinic about how the ER went.  We are somewhere just outside of Zlin.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Clinic Day 1

Well after months and months of planning, today we finally stepped foot into our clinic. It is called IVF Zlin.

The morning started off super frantic. We had asked the hotel to call us a cab for 7:45 am and that time came and went with no cab. We had an 8am appt at the clinic. There is never anyone at the reception because they live next door. We figured this out last night. So Ryan went down to the restaurant to find someone to call a cab for us. Well 15 min later still no cab. One eventually came but we ended up being almost 30 min late to our appt. Lesson learned, call our own cab.

First stop was the 3rd floor for intralipids. Of course they had a problem finding my veins the first few times. The nurse ended up not being able to do it and she called for a more experienced person to come try. After several minutes she finally got it and she started the drip. The room where you get it done has two comfortable beds. I laid down and got comfortable. Ryan set next to me and we set up the tablet and watched a stupid Ben Stilled movie. It took about 90 minutes.

Next stop was our first meeting with our doctor. He was very similar in his consultation with us to what we have heard from other doctors back home, just in a very thick accent. Our doctor is Dr. Milan, second from the right on the top row. Our coordinator is Anna, bottom row far left.

After we met with the doctor we did an ultrasound. They wanted my lining to be between 7 and 16. My lining was at 11.5. He found two cysts in my cervix but he said that wouldn't interfer with the transfer. Ovaries were ok and there was no fluid in the uterus so we got the green light to transfer.

Next was a consultation with our IVF coordinator. This is who I have been emailing for the last several months so it was nice to finally meet her in person. She gave us our next medication schedule. And our schedule for tomorrow.

Great news is I don't start PIO yet, they want to check my blood before the transfer after being on progesterone suppositories and oral pills first and see what the levels are. So 4 more days without PIO. Best news ever!

Our donor had her final exam yesterday and she was at good numbers so she triggered last night for retrieval tomorrow. Ryan does his part between 8 and 9am and then the ER. We will get an update that night and another one in the morning with our transfer time.

After all of this we are exhausted and going to take the day off from traveling. We asked if there was anywhere to walk around even and the answer was no, this is an industrial town. They directed us to a zoo, but living in San Diego and having access to one of the best zoos in the world, I think we will pass.

Also everyone keeps telling us the cabs and the people at our hotel speak perfect English. We haven't really been able to communicate with anyone at all. As I am writing this we are still having issues trying to get a cab.

Tomorrow we leave for Vienna and we are very much looking forward to it.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Donor Update part II

Here is the update from the clinic:

The size of these 10 follicles is optimal around 16 mm. There are 5 follicles, which are smaller, so it is hard to say, if there will be mature eggs. Maybe the number of retrieved eggs will be higher than 10, we will see on Thursday.

Our room at Penzion Uno

I started my lovenox shot tonight and my steroids in anticipation of the intralipid infusion in the morning. Then after that I meet the doctor and do and ultrasound and blood work.

Today was fun but exhausting. We hired a guide to drive us from Budapest to Zlin and to stop at towns a long the way. We were in three different countries in one day. As an American, that just amazes me

We made it to Zlin at about 6pm. We quickly checked into our room and headed downstairs for dinner. Happily, a couple sitting next to us introduced themselves and we struck up a conversation. They are cycling here too from the States. They had already been to the clinic a few times so filled us in on how everything works.  Hopefully with all the anxiety, I will be able to get some sleep because I am so tired. Below is a picture of our room.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Budapest

We safely made it to Budapest. We had no issues with security and the duffle bag full of medications and syringes which was good.  We asked our doctor for a travel letter to be on the safe side, but we were fine.

On the plane I traveled with a radiation blocking blanket on my lap. I had heard from my acupuncturist that there is a small chance of that the tiny amount of radiation on a plane collapsing you lining so I wore it just in case. Plus I already owned it. I wear it on my lap at home when I use my laptop.

The only issue we have had in Budapest has been the food. Ryan has found some really great meals but I have been struggling. The first evening we went to a traditional Hungarian restaurant recommended to us by the hotel. I told them I need a vegetarian and gluten free option. They called ahead and the restaurant said they did have something for me but when we got there they didn't. For dinner I had a side salad and my entree was grilled mushrooms in like a cup of olive oil. Tonight we had researched and found the only 100% gluten free restaurant. I was excited to order a veggie burger buy it was really just lettuce and tomatoes between two gf buns. Oh well, more Kind bars for me.

I'm still only on supplements and oral estrodiol, no injections yet so I'm happy.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Donor Report #1

Today is the day. I am typing this sitting at the airport waiting for our flight to board. I checked my email and we have our first donor update.

Your egg donor has an ultrasound check-up yesterday.

Her reaction is in my opinion very nice. She has from 6-7 follicles on both ovaries, so the number of retrieved eggs can be around 10- 14 eggs. It is normal that there cannot be retrieved egg from each follicle.

The follicle size absolutely correspond to the 6th day of her hormonal stimulation so she can continue with the same dose of medication until the next check up scheduled on Monday.

We are happy with the news but still feeling very anxious.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

We Have a Green Light

We are officially moving forward with our cycle in the Czech Republic.  Today I went for an ultrasound with our clinic here in San Diego and was given the green light.  Our clinic in the Czech Republic require a lining of 7 or higher after being on estradiol for 10 days.  Today marked day 10 so off to the clinic I went at 8am.  My lining measure 10.5 and we measured 3 times to make sure.  As a side note my AFC was 9.  I swear they were just there mocking me.  So I sent off my ultrasound pictures and results and received an email back from my clinic in the Czech Republic saying:

Your lining is excellent. Please, continue with the medication schedule without any change.

 Look forward to see you soon.

So off to the Czech Republic we go.  First we are heading to Budapest to get in a quick 4 day vacation before the whole process starts.  Here is our anticipated timeline:

April 9th - 12th - Budapest
April 13th - Ultrasound and Blood work at the Zlin clinic to make sure my lining and estrogen and progesterone levels are correct
April 14th - Egg retrieval from donor
April 15th - 18th Vienna
April 19th - transfer
April 19th - 22nd - bed rest in BRNO
April 23rd - home

We appreciate all the love and support we have recieved.  We can really use your prayers and well wishes in the next several days especially on the 19th.  CZ is 9 hours ahead so we are guessing our transfer will happen at around 1am or 2am west coast time.

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

A New Year, A New Plan

Since our last failed cycle, after we managed to breathe again, Ryan and I spent countless hours researching and soul searching as to what to do next.  The only thing we know for sure is that our journey to have a family isn't over yet.  We decided to have consultations with about every clinic and every doctor and every agency that we came across to see what are options are.

After the last failed transfer all I know for sure is that I am done cycling myself.  I can't keep putting my body through that and I'm not sure I would survive the emotional side of another failed cycle again. IF is plain crappy for everyone going through it, but I always seem to cycle longer than most and have the absolute worst side effects.  Its not like I didn't try.  I literally did everything I could and then some and it still didn't work. 5 years has taken its toll and its time to move on.  We have spent the last few months speaking to, consulting with or emailing the following to figure out next steps:

• Our acupuncturist Jeneanne Paden, our naturopathic doctor Dr. Panda, our current RE Dr. Kettel at San Diego Fertility Center, our old clinic Reproductive Partners Medical group, Oregon Reproductive Medicine (one of the highest rated clinics in the country), Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (another highly successful clinic in the US), Dr. Chang at Hanabusa in San Diego, California Conceptions (we met with both the ED side and the embryo adoption group), AdoptHelp, IVF Zlin in the Czech Republic, HRC in Oceanside, Dr. Acacio in Newport Beach, The Donor Egg Bank, The Independent Adoption Center, West Coast Fertility Center, PVED, Adoption Network Law Center, Peas In A Pod, Genesis Group and A Perfect Match.

By taking my own genetic material off the table, we are left with donor egg, donor egg and donor sperm or adoption.  We have decided to move on to donor egg first.  We are switching clinics once again and here comes the surprising twist ..................  we are taking this thing international yo!  We are headed to the Czech Republic for our donor cycle (unless we change our minds again which is always a possibility).  The clinic is in a city called Zlin which is on the east side of CZ.  They are a highly recommended clinic in all of Europe and the cost is about 1/5 of the cost here which is still very expensive but somewhat affordable for us.  We would be there for about 8 - 10 days. We are in the midst of matching us with a donor right now and looking at a April transfer date.  While I don't know anyone personally, I have met several other couples from the US that are cycling there through a fertility board called Czech Mates.  I do have a clinic here that I'm working with on all the before and after stuff.  For right now we are working on the abundance of paperwork that is required to move forward.

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER