Fertility Meds Suck

So I  haven't posted in a bit because I'm exhausted,  stressed, not sleeping and super nauseous.  Other than that, no complaints.   Seriously though, I think because I'm out of practice and haven't had these meds in my system for so long, it was a shock to my body and it's taking it the hard way....


I started this post a few days ago and didn't finish because I was tired and didn't feel good.  The good news is I'm starting to get used to them and feeling much better. Acupuncture is really helping in that department.  Still have a headache but no where near as bad and back eating again so that's good.

I now take 200mg of estradiol three times a day along with all the vitamins and supplements.  Tomorrow starts the aspirin,  dexamethasone and the lovenox which is a daily shot.  That one I'll take until my second trimester.  Happy injecting!

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Time for Lupron

I finished my round of birth control pills and now it's time for Lupron, Lupron Depot specifically.  Lupron Depot is basically a 1 month version all-in-one shot instead of daily shots.  Ryan and I once calculated how many shots we did in all our other rounds and the total came out to somewhere around 800.  Yes you read that right, 800!!!!  One would think that would make us pros.  And while we are definitely proficient at this, it certainly never gets any easier.  My anxiety is always sky high.  It takes a lot of faith in your partner, who is not a medical professional, to trust that they can administer the shot with the same skills as a professional.  And I have to say that Ryan hits the mark, pun intended, every time.  Most of the clinics have how to videos online, but he usually finds some good and helpful information on YouTube.  This is definitely one of those times where I am extremely grateful to have a partner that can handle this type of stuff.  Of all the 800+ shots I have received, he has administered every singe one of them so a huge amount of gratitude towards my guy!
Tips and tricks for surviving Lupron injections.

• Ice, ice baby!  Ice the injection spot for 5 minutes a head of time.  This is an intermuscular shot so that means the behind. 
• As soon as the injection is over, massage the injection spot and the area around it.
• Walk, do lunges, do squats, basically do anything to move your glutes and help ease the medicine into your system.  It will feel better in the long run.

The infamous Lupron Depot shot.  This is the shot that originally was going to cost $1,600, 

but luckily insurance did cover a portion of it and our out of pocket was $1,200.

Now we sit and wait for my period to start and then all the other medications will begin.

Thanks For Reading,

HEATHER

Vacationing with Infertility

My husband Ryan and I went to Kauai on vacation for 8 wonderful days.  Ryan's Grandmother gifted us our hotel room and we had enough miles to fly there so it was even better since it was a no cost vacation.  We were both very excited to go.  The goal was to go there and de-stress and recharge our batteries in preparation for our upcoming FET.

The biggest mistake we made was thinking that we would also be able to take a vacation from infertility and that we would be able to leave our struggles behind.  What we failed to realize was that when we signed up for group tours (we went zip lining, rented atvs, went kayaking, rappelling and boating) that there would be a 'get to know you' introduction portion of the tour.  Inevitably they would ask where we were from and if we were married.  We were actually there celebrating our 5th anniversary.  Once we told people that we were married, the automatic next question was 'Do you have children'?  I answered, 'We have a dog that I treat like my child'.  Which if you actually know me, you know that is a very true statement.  

The first time someone asked me that question, I held it in for a minute, but then the next person to talk had just had a baby and everyone got all excited and was asking questions and the tears just started coming.  Luckily we were outside so I had sunglasses on and I am pretty sure that Ryan is the only one that knew I was crying.  He put his arm around me and I just stood there crying for a bit.  On another tour they asked everyone what they did for a living and when I said I didn't work, the tour guide assumed that I was a stay at home mom and went on and on about how my job was the most important and hardest in the world.  I was literally speechless and just stood there.  Again Ryan took my hand and we tried to just continue on.  Later that day I just broke down in our room and just couldn't believe that every day I had to exclaim to strangers that I was childless.  I just did not see that coming, it was very unexpected.

The first day of our vacation was the first day of meds for this cycle.  I'm starting off this FET cycle with Lupron for the first 10 days.  I had to bring all of our supplies on the plane with us.  I have a few friends that have had to travel with drugs before and asked them for tips and tricks.  Basically you need a travel letter from your doctor which is pretty standard.  Then we put everything into an insulated reusable lunch bag with some gel ice packs.  The only thing we didn't pack in the carry on was the sharps container.  We were told it was easier to pack it in the checked baggage and less hassle with TSA.  So we were all ready to go and in the security line.  Not thinking anything,  I turned to Ryan and said 'Are you going to carry the drugs or do you want me to?'.  Nothing actually happened, but I thought for sure we were going to get pulled into secondary.  They x-rayed our bag and then pulled it out for a quick inspection and then sent us on our way.  We had one single shot to do every day.  This will be out shot schedule for the whole cycle and we always do our shots at 9pm.  That way Ryan will for sure be home from work and we don't have to stress over it.  We had to calculate for the time change so we did the shot at 6pm Hawaii time.  It only interfered with a few  dinner plans and made us a few minutes late to watch the USC game, but other than that it was fine.

our tray table

The real adventure was doing the shot on the plane.  There was no way around that.  You have to do the shot within 60 min of the time you set every day.  That means we have between 8 - 10 pm.  Our flight was from 5 - 11pm.  We were a bit nervous to do it on the plane, even though I have several friends that have done it and told me it would be fine.  We were both just paranoid that there would be turbulence at the worst possible time.  When set out alarm and when it went off we pulled out everything at our seats and watched the back of the plane and waited until there was no one back there waiting to use the bathroom.  We went to the back and asked the flight attendants if we could do the shot back there by the jump seat and they said that was fine.  I had put an ice pack on my stomach back at our seat so I was ready to go.  Ryan prepped the shot.  The only issue with doing that on a plane is when he pulled the syringe out, some of the drugs sprayed a bit due to the pressure on the plane, but not a significant amount.  As we were doing the shot the flight attendant was nice enough to block off the aisle for us so we had a tiny bit of privacy.  All went well and the plane was super smooth, no turbulence at all.  The only problem was because we packed our sharps container, we didn't have anywhere to put the needle and there isn't a sharps container on the plane.  I had forgot that my friend told me to bring an empty water bottle and to put it in there until you can transfer it back to the sharps container later.  We just capped it and put it in my purse.  So we had to do yet another crappy thing like give a shot on the plane in now what feels like a very long infertility journey, but hey, we survived yet another crappy thing!

We still had an amazing vacation and lots of wonderful memories were made.  It was just very eye opening to both of us knowing and then realizing that we can never ever escape the pain and sorrow of infertility.  We can't go to an island and think we can escape it.  We can't leave our friends and family behind and think for one second that we won't have to answer any questions or that we can go one day without it being a front and center part of our lives. 

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER

The Calendar & The Protocols

We received our calendar and all of our protocols and everything else that comes along with an FET.  Its exciting and nerve wracking, high anxiety, tons of fear and lots of hope and literally about every other emotion that goes along with it.  We have consulted with our naturopathic doctors, our reproductive endocrinologist, our acupuncturist, our friends in our support group, our friends in our online support group and of course the internet.  We decided on a protocol that we both feel comfortable with. We are literally doing everything we possibly can to help our embryos implant.

Our protocol includes; bcps, lupron, vivelle patches, prednisone, dexamethasone, lovenox, endometrin and antibiotics.  For treatments and procedures we are doing the scratch (Ryan is out of town but luckily my Mom is available and she will go with me), intralipids and acupuncture.  I have 4 blood tests along the way to make sure that all my hormone levels are where they should be and the last one is specifically to test my thyroid.  At the transfer, along with the embryos we will inject hcg in the catheter.  If I stay on track and all the blood tests and ultrasounds look good then our FET is tentatively scheduled for Sept 30th.  And then all that's left to do is hope and pray that this works.

Here is my latest calendar (written out on my Chargers calendar).  It is so much easier to have it all written out.  With so many drugs it makes it much easier to keep track.  Its also a great visual to know where the end goal is.  Once I start the injections, I start crossing the days off and counting down how many needles I have left.  It's little things like that that help me get through the craziness of fertility drugs.  31 injections until our FET.  Our last IVF cycle we did over 80 shots so just writing 31 makes me feel so much better.

August

September

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER