1 Day To Go

Today was filled with hyper emotions.  It's been hard to sit still and concentrate on anything really.

I started off the morning with an early yoga class.  It was nice and yoga always seems to help a bit.  Then I came home and had my Dad and brother over to watch the game and have brunch.  I bookended my day with another yoga class that usually relaxes me, but today I just couldn't concentrate.

turmeric latte

After yoga I asked Ryan to take me to Cafe Gratitude for dinner.  Cafe Gratitude is supper yummy vegan food that we used to love in Los Angeles and they finally opened one in San Diego. We ate some great food, Ryan had the polenta and I had the gluten free ramen.   I also ordered my favorite drink, the turmeric latte.  Cafe Gratitude always asks you a question to contemplate while you are waiting for your food.  Ironically today's questions was "name an obstacle that has been really complicated that you overcame with a victory".  As soon as the waitress walked away, we both said, we will get back to you on that one.  Hopefully in a few weeks we will have a great answer for her.

I ended my day lighting the candle my Grandmother gave me, saying a prayer and pulling an affirmation card.  The card I pulled tonight is called Breathe Deeply.  It reads: Breathe big.  Let it all in.  Deep, full breaths invigorate you.  They release sadness and allow ecstasy to flood in.  Pause, inhale a long...slow...big...delicious breathe.  Exhale.  Remember, whenever the going gets tough, take a deep breath and trust that you are capable of greatness.  This was a great card to get tonight and read.  Taking a deep breath right now as I type this.

The plan for tomorrow is wake up and head to a 7am yoga class to get the blood flow going and awaken my body to the day ahead.  She does a lot of breathe work so I will continue my card work from tonight.  Then shower, walk Parker and then head to the fertility clinic.  10am is my check in time.  First up is acupuncture, then the FET, then acupuncture again.  Then home and hopefully laying around and relaxing the rest of the day.

We won't know if this has worked or not for about two weeks.  We respectfully ask that no one hits us up for the results until we are ready to share.  We will probably just need a day or two to soak it all in no matter what it is.  The last FET that ended in a BFN, we told people the exact date we were to find out the results and I just couldn't answer the phone or speak about it and having the phone ring all day just added to the sadness knowing that people still had some hope but we knew the sad truth.  Thank you very much for understanding.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

4 Days To Go

Today was a really hard day.  I had to say goodbye to aerial yoga.  I'm not allowed to do it after the transfer and you can't do it while you are pregnant either, so with some luck it will be on hold for about 10 months.  I have really grown to love this practice and it was tough to say goodbye.  I went to my regular 9am class and then hugged my teacher and said goodbye for now.  With all the emotions and hormones surging through me right now, I sobbed on the way to the car.

After yoga I headed to the chiropractor.  This FET priming cycle, I have included going to the chiropractor on a weekly basis.  It has helped a great deal with feeling better in a natural way.  I don't think that this is the magic answer to helping us get that BFP we are so desperate for, but I really believe the combination of what my RE does with all these complementary care practices is the right fit for us.  Dealing with infertility issues is such an emotional stressful time, I feel like my shoulders are in knots and glued up to my ears.  After a session with the chiropractor, I feel the stress deplete from my neck.

The rest of the day was spent hanging out with my brother for a bit and then a friend came over for a visit afterwards.  It was nice to have some company and some time spent not worrying about our upcoming transfer.  With each minute of the transfer getting closer with more anxious I get and the more emotional I get.  I blame the hormones :)

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

FET Progress Update

Today was my first monitoring appointment for this FET cycle.  I always try and make the first appointment of the day so hopefully I will spend less time in the waiting room.  So at 7:30am off I went to the doctors office.

At an FET monitoring appointment you do an ultrasound and get blood work.  The ultrasound is to check your lining and to make sure your ovaries are silent.

I have been off the birth control pills for a little bit now.  Now I'm just taking Lupron and wearing Vivelle patches.

My side effects haven't been too bad, just the usual Lupron issues of weight gain, headache and breast tenderness.  The Lupron shots themselves don't hurt, the needle is very tiny.  Next week I start the Lovenox but for not I am handling everything pretty well.

The results of the ultrasound were really good.  My lining is already at 8 and it is triple lined.  This means that it is actually ready right now for implantation.  However, the doctor likes to do the transfer closer to when I would have naturally ovulated.  The good news is that they moved my transfer up a couple days so it's a few less days of stress and anxiety.

Everything is based on working backwards from the FET date so I spent the day on the phone rescheduling all my appointments leading up to the transfer.  Next week is going to be a busy week but full of good things.  I have a couple more blood draws, an acupuncture appointment, another ultrasound monitoring appt, chiropractor, infusion, teeth cleaning, hair appointment and lots and lots of yoga.

When we came home the other day there was a dandelion growing outside our kitchen window.  I have lived in this house for a year and a half and there has never been one until now.  A dandelion is a very common symbol of infertility for several reasons.  It is a symbol of hope and the root is a common herb used because it is high in Vitamin A & C and thought to help with hormone balance.  When we saw this in our window waiting for us we took it as a very positive sign.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Lipoma Surgery - Follow Up

So the first day post-surgery I felt fine.  I did go to a yoga class, but I really should not have.  I pulled one of the stitches and it started bleeding.  I went to the doctor and he cleaned it up and then put a ridiculous amount of gauze around my arm and some more tape and told me I wasn't allowed to do yoga again until the stitches came out the following week.

The next day I woke up to just wanting to itch my whole arm off.   I figured it was the healing process, until I looked down.  I had bumps all over my arm and my stomach.  So I called the doctor to tell him I was having an allergic reaction.  Unfortunately this had happened before back in 2011 so I knew what was going on.  Back then I had surgery on my hip and I had an allergic reaction to the bandage too.  The doctor told me that I had developed an allergy to latex.  Since then, I have informed every doctor of my latex allergy and I haven't had another issue until now.

The doctor had me take photos and send them to him because this happened Friday night.  He confirmed that I was having a reaction and wanted me to remove to strips.  Turns out I am also allergic to the adhesive in the steri stips.  So Ryan took off the strips and I washed with antibacterial soap.  I woke up on Sunday with a horrific looking arm with blisters now from shoulder to wrist.  I went to the doctor on Monday and he walked in and literally said "Oh my gosh, I've never seen anything like that!'.  If I wasn't already feeling crappy, this just confirmed it.  He gave me a prescription for a week of steroids and told me to take tylenol pm because the steroids would keep me awake.  After a miserable 4 days, my arm has finally started to look normal again.

This was supposed to be a simple procedure with the healing time of a couple of days.  Ugh!!!  Why is every single thing I do have to be so darn complicated......


Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Lipoma Surgery

ceiling tile view from my gurney

As a follow up to my earlier post, today was surgery day and it went very well.  I had 6 lipomas removed., 2 on my left arm, 1 on my left rib cage and 3 on my leg.  The surgery was at Scripps hospital. 

The prep started last night with another run to the store for a watermelon, which I ate from 8:30 - 9pm, the cut off for my last chance to eat or drink before surgery. We woke up at 4:45am so I could take a shower with antibacterial soap.  Then we walked and fed Parker and headed off to the hospital at 5:15am for our 5:30 check in.  The watermelon worked because they got the IV started on the first try even though they had to take a few vials of blood first.  

About 5 years ago I developed a pretty severe latex allergy.  Because of this, it required extra paper work extra bracelets and giant signs all over the OR.  I am so happy that they have all these precautions because it is not fun to deal with the reactions that latex causes.  Around 7am I kissed Ryan goodbye and they escorted him out to the lobby and got me in my gurney.   

surgery is so dramatic

I also have issues with anesthesia.  About 4 surgeries ago, the anesthesiologist suggested putting the dot behind my ear that is usually used for motion sickness.  Well it did the trick again this time, no nausea.  I also ask that my meds be given in the IV instead of sending me home to take oral pills and they always accommodate this request. That way I don't have to go home and force myself to eat when I am not feeling my best.  This time I got my first dose of antibiotics and my pain meds in the IV.  The only small issue i have is there is some pain at each of the sites.  My surgeon really wanted to put me on vicodin, but I absolutely hate pain meds and I really don't want them in my body any more.  I also don't want to do pain meds right before a transfer.  So I opted to skip the meds and only take Tylenol. Right before the surgery started, they told me I would be in recovery for about 1 1/2 hours.  I was shocked, I thought I was only in recovery for 30 min.  Ryan said that is how long I am in there once I am awake.  I turned to him and asked "I wonder what I am doing for the hour that I am out"?  Fast forward to this morning and the recovery nurse said that she checked me in and then walked away to do something and when she came back I was completely naked on the bed.  She said she had never seen anyone do that before. I took off the gown and all the blankets!  I don't have any recollection of doing this and sadly now I know what I do when I am knocked out and so does everyone else in the recovery room.  

Shortly after coming home, my brother came by and delivered some beautiful flowers.  Not only are they pretty but the smell amazing and now the whole house smells great.  I have the greatest brother!

flowers from my brother

I have an appointment on Thursday to remove the stitches.  My only restrictions is I can't take a shower until they are removed but I can survive two days.  Going to try yoga tomorrow and hopefully I can do some poses that don't let the fabric touch my bandages.

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER

Aerial Yoga

As I mentioned in my Next Steps post, I am back on track and going to yoga again.  I really missed my practice and I am beyond excited to be back.  My RE in Los Angeles suggested that I start doing yoga on a regular basis to help with blood flow as well as all the stress I was dealing with.  Sadly during my stims I had to cancel my membership.  With my bloated stomach full of bruising and my headaches, aerial was out of the question.  Now I am back to normal and back regularly practicing at Trilogy.  I have about 2 months before my FET so my focus in on mind, body and soul and yoga touches on all three things for me.

After I quit my job and moved to San Diego I discovered Trilogy Sanctuary and aerial yoga.  Trilogy is a rooftop studio and the views are amazing.  It is literally the most amazing yoga I have ever done.  I have been practicing there since September.  I do aerial yoga but they also have some amazing restorative classes.  I love the balance between the two classes.  There is a Balance and Restore class as well as Yinki and I take both.  Just walking in there, I feel the stress of all this just melting away.  It is short lived, but I will take any relief I can get.

chandelier pose

  I absolutely love this photo.  This pose is called shoulder stand.  When I first started I couldn't do this pose.  My teacher stood behind me and helped me get into the fabric.  I also would have my feet locked in to be able to balance.  Today I am able to do the pose and free my feet.  It is an amazing feeling especially when I live in a world without progress and without being able to reach certain goals, it helps to remind me that I AM able to conquer and attain.  Hoping that this feeling of growth and achievement helps take away all the hopelessness that I have felt for so long.

This is my beautiful teacher Olivia.  She is absolutely amazing and so supportive.  I love having her as a guide in this part of my journey.  Anyone in San Diego, come on down and join me in a class.

Thank you for reading,
HEATHER