Tuesday, February 2, 2016

No Advice Needed (but hugs are welcomed)

A funny interpretation of very common 'helpful' remarks that I have heard over the last 5 years.  Infertility is a disease and should be treated as such.  We just need a hug and a show of support.  We are surrounded by constant reminders about how easy others can conceive, we don't need additional stories about that one time your neighbors daughters best friend once stood on one leg, ate an avocado and 9 months later had triplets!  And for the paraplegic folks out there, don't tell them the same story but instead insist that your neighbors daughters best friend grew a working leg after said eating of avocado.  Both stories are ridiculous and should be treated as such.

"So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile? 
(author unknown)

1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you'll be able to walk again!
2. You can't use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn't have to walk anywhere!
3. My cousin was paralyzed, but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.
4. I guess God just didn't mean for you to be able to walk.
5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.
6. Sorry, we don't cover treatment for paraplegia, because it's not a life-threatening illness.
7. So... when are *you* going to start walking?
8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk - everywhere I go!
9. But don't you *want* to walk?
10. You're just trying too hard. Relax and you'll be able to walk.
11. You're so lucky... think of the money you save on shoes.
12. I don't know why you're being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.
13. I hope you don't try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.
14. Look at those people hiking... doesn't that make you want to hike?
15. Just relax, you'll be walking in no time.
16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.
17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I'd have a permanent limp, but I'm 100% healed.
18. I'd ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.
19. You're being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.
20. Don't complain, you get all the good parking places.
21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.
22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!
23. You don't know how to walk? What's wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!
24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you'll walk.
25. Here, touch my legs, then you'll walk!
26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!
27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.
28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn't find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running...

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER


2 comments:

  1. "I bet if you just get drunk, you'd be able to walk...."
    This is hilarious. Thanks for sharing. Such a good find. I may have to repost!

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    Replies
    1. Thats a good one! Feel free to repost as much as you like.

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