WALK OF HOPE - SAN DIEGO March 12th @ 9am

Raising awareness and advocating change in the insurance industry means so much to me.  So much so that I have been working very hard over the last year to bring to San Diego, the Walk of Hope.  I am the Chair of this event I am happy to say that we are 59 days away from the inaugural San Diego Walk of Hope.  RESOLVE’s Walk of Hope is RESOLVE’s signature fundraising event. The Walk of Hope recognizes the many ways in which families are built and supports the 7.3 million women and men living with infertility, including Ryan and I. Click here to read Why I Walk

Funds raised from the Walk supports RESOLVE’s programming including support groups, public awareness initiatives, and advocacy efforts to ensure family building options are available to all!  Currently, the World Health Organization recognizes infertility as a disease but insurance companies see it as a lifestyle choice and most are forced to pay out of pocket for treatments which cost thousands.  We are looking to change that today!

For those in Southern California, please join us:

Walk of Hope San Diego

Date: Saturday, March 12, 2016

Time: 9 am -12 pm

Location: NTC Park @ Liberty Station

2455 Cushing Road, San Diego, CA 92106

Check-in begins at 9:00 AM and walk begins at 10:00 AM. One-mile walk, all ages welcome. 

Register here

For those not available to join us on the walk, would you please consider donating to our team?  Living with infertility comes with its own difficulties, but then adding on the cost of treatment just makes it that much harder.   This needs to change.  Please help team Love Haight help in this important endeavor.  To donate, click here and then click DONATE NOW.

Thanks for supporting the walk and thanks for reading,

HEATHER

A New Year, A New Plan

Since our last failed cycle, after we managed to breathe again, Ryan and I spent countless hours researching and soul searching as to what to do next.  The only thing we know for sure is that our journey to have a family isn't over yet.  We decided to have consultations with about every clinic and every doctor and every agency that we came across to see what are options are.

After the last failed transfer all I know for sure is that I am done cycling myself.  I can't keep putting my body through that and I'm not sure I would survive the emotional side of another failed cycle again. IF is plain crappy for everyone going through it, but I always seem to cycle longer than most and have the absolute worst side effects.  Its not like I didn't try.  I literally did everything I could and then some and it still didn't work. 5 years has taken its toll and its time to move on.  We have spent the last few months speaking to, consulting with or emailing the following to figure out next steps:

• Our acupuncturist Jeneanne Paden, our naturopathic doctor Dr. Panda, our current RE Dr. Kettel at San Diego Fertility Center, our old clinic Reproductive Partners Medical group, Oregon Reproductive Medicine (one of the highest rated clinics in the country), Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (another highly successful clinic in the US), Dr. Chang at Hanabusa in San Diego, California Conceptions (we met with both the ED side and the embryo adoption group), AdoptHelp, IVF Zlin in the Czech Republic, HRC in Oceanside, Dr. Acacio in Newport Beach, The Donor Egg Bank, The Independent Adoption Center, West Coast Fertility Center, PVED, Adoption Network Law Center, Peas In A Pod, Genesis Group and A Perfect Match.

By taking my own genetic material off the table, we are left with donor egg, donor egg and donor sperm or adoption.  We have decided to move on to donor egg first.  We are switching clinics once again and here comes the surprising twist ..................  we are taking this thing international yo!  We are headed to the Czech Republic for our donor cycle (unless we change our minds again which is always a possibility).  The clinic is in a city called Zlin which is on the east side of CZ.  They are a highly recommended clinic in all of Europe and the cost is about 1/5 of the cost here which is still very expensive but somewhat affordable for us.  We would be there for about 8 - 10 days. We are in the midst of matching us with a donor right now and looking at a April transfer date.  While I don't know anyone personally, I have met several other couples from the US that are cycling there through a fertility board called Czech Mates.  I do have a clinic here that I'm working with on all the before and after stuff.  For right now we are working on the abundance of paperwork that is required to move forward.

Thanks for Reading,

HEATHER

4 Years by the Numbers

Recently I read an article with a picture of a baby surrounded by the number of shots it took to bring her into this world.  To read the article click here  It got me thinking about how many shots I have taken and what we have gone through.  Here are our numbers:

0  BFPs

1  amazingly strong husband that has been my rock through all of this

1  amazingly cute puppy dog that cuddles every time I need it

2  fresh transfers

2  FETs

3  IUIs

4  years TTC

5  IVFs

6  BFN phone calls

8  fertility doctors that have performed at least one procedure on me

11  embryos created and lost

19  different medication I have ingested or injected along the way

208  number of days spent in tears (approx once a week since this started)

550  approx number of daily shots from first IUI to the last IVF

1460  days of infertility treatments

$$$  amount of money spent on treatment (too scary to actually write down and publish)

BFN

We sadly report that our results were negative.  As I sit here and type this I can't believe these words are even hitting the page.  I am just numb.  I am shocked that after 4 years we are now at the end of our journey.  Our chances of having a biological child is over.  We may pursue other options, but for now we grieve.  We grieve the loss of our embryos.  This was number 10 and number 11.  11 tries, 11 souls gone, 11 lost chances of bringing life into this world.  How does one bounce back from this?

Bedrest

The first week of the 2WW was ok.  I kept myself busy, visited with friends and had family come over.  Went to the movies twice.  Went to gentle flow yoga and modified about half the class.  Went on a couple walks a day to increase blood flow. Not only is that allowed, but it is encouraged.  It wasn't easy but I did manage to get through the days ok.

Over the weeknd, Ryan and I went on another walk.  It was very casual and very slow paced always making sure not to increase my heart rate.  Nothing was out of the ordinary.  When we came home, I noticed I was bleeding.  My heart just sank to the floor.  It lasted a few hours.   I cried for a bit, and now I am just numb.  I haven't had any bleeding since then, but I've had bad cramps non-stop.  The bummer about cramps at this phase is it could go either way, it could be the beginning of my period or implantation cramps.  So I don't even know if I should be happy or sad about it.

From experience and from friends experiences, I knew to go on moderate bed rest immediately.  I called the clinic first thing in the morning and they put me on strict bed rest.  I can lay and sit and get up to go to the bathroom, but that is it.  So if I thought the first week was tough, this one is just going to be awful.

I went from feeling very hopeful to just a feeling of defeat.  This October marked 4 years of suffering and dealing with infertility,  I went to my first doctor to discuss infertility in Oct 2011.  Enough is enough.  It is inhumane to live like this anymore.  4 years of drugs and shots that make you crazy and you feel awful.  I just can't do this anymore.  And I'm not even touching on the financial toll that this has taken on us.  We are still hoping and praying for our miracle but I now fear the worst.

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER

2WW

The 2WW (two week wait) is the dreaded time after a transfer and before you find out if you are PG or not.  BFN or BFP???  This is by far one of the hardest thing about infertility.  This is now all mental.  I have done all that I can do leading up to this and now I just pray every second of every day that my embryos have decided to snuggle in and stay.

Right now I am still on blood thinners (nightly awful shots), estrogen, progesterone, steroids and vitamins and supplements.  Physically I have some minor cramping that has gone on non-stop since about a week ago but that's about it.

There are other things that I am trying to do to help.  I am on a website message board that is only for people with infertility.  I asked people that got their BFPs what they did on the day of the transfer and what they did during the 2WW.  Here is the combined list of all that research.  Do I really think that eating a brazil nut a day will be the answer to all my problems, probably not, but it sure doesn't hurt and they do taste pretty yummy.

FET & 2WW Protocols

Eat 2 or more brazil nuts every day
No cold foods during 2WW
Room temperature beverages only for 2WW
No raw fruits or veggies for 2WW
When laying down, lay of left side for improved circulation
Acupuncture immediately after before and after transfer
Crew length socks at all times for two weeks
Think happy thoughts

Pray

Eat pineapple core for bromelain 

Eat walnuts

Eat kiwi

Add ginger to water or tea

Add lemon to water or tea

Do not raise heart rate

Do not raise core body temperature

Watch comedies and try to laugh

Walk or swimming is ok as long as it is gentle

Light yoga is okay with modifications

Today's happy socks

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER

FET Recap

Today was our FET, our long awaited, highly anticipated FET.  We don't have the best news to share but we are trying very hard to stay hopeful and positive.  One of our embryos had some complications and it isn't looking too good right now.  We did still end up transferring both which I will explain in a minute and we still have high hopes for both of them.

I started off the day with a wonderful yoga practice at 7am.  While I was at yoga I asked Ryan to run to the store and pick up some last minute items.  I have been doing all kinds of research from women who got positive results and what they did on the day of their transfer and what they did during the 2WW.  Of course it was all over the place and I really don't feel like eating one kiwi will actually be the deal maker but it really helps my mental health to continue to do all I can to make this miracle happen.  So off to yoga I went and off to the store he went.  When I came back home I was greeted with a really sweet card from him.  I then took a bath since it would be a while before I can take a nice long hot one again and Ryan took Parker on a walk, then off we went.

We went to SDFC and checked in.  There was a friendly face in the lobby, a friend's mother was keeping her company before her ER.  She gave me a giant hug before I went in and it was very comforting.  First stop was acupuncture.  Ryan kept me company in the room.  Then about 5 minutes in, I realized I forgot my awesome socks.  Ryan ran back home to get them.  Staying warm is one of the good luck, fingers crossed tricks to try.  So I stayed and did my treatment sans socks for now, but rockin my awesome Motley Crue shirt.  Oh and we listened to Without You on the way to the clinic. It was our song at our wedding and always puts a smile on our faces.

This isn't a stock photo, this is our actual embryo.
Our perfect and wonderful embryo.
This is the one the survived the thaw strong and intact.

Next stop was the surgical center at SDFC.  The FET was performed in the minor procedures room.  I took my valium (they give you one to relax if you want one) and settled in to start to relax.  Then the embryologist came in to deliver the news.  We had two chromosomally normal embryos frozen in  June.  We had decided to implant both to increase our chances of a live birth.

This is our other embryo that needs some extra love and prayers.
We have not given up and hope.
This one fights just a little harder than it should have to.

About 2-3 years ago the technology of freezing embryos wasn't where it is today.  Today there is very little chance of losing an embryo in the thaw, about 4% chance really.  Well we have a way of always falling into those tiny minute crap odds.  One of ours started to leak and collapse during the thaw.  It was so unexpected.  Of all the things that could go wrong, this didn't even register as a possibility. Ryan wasn't back yet and I just crumbled into the arms of the embryologist.  As soon as Ryan walked in and saw me crying, I'm sure he knew.  I went from her arms around me to his.  We were both truly devastated.  We collected ourselves and the doctor came in.   We talked about what had happened and what the next steps would be,  The good news is that our other embryo did great and was looking really good.  The second embryo, while breaking down, still had a few cells in it and he recommended still transferring that one.  I asked if we should still have hope and his answer was that the odds weren't 0 so we should remain hopeful.  So with my fancy socks on we moved forward with the FET.

The bright white line below the green arrow are our embryos.

The whole FET procedure does not take very long at all.  You fill out some paperwork, sign some legal consent forms and they go over the procedure and what your limitations are afterwards.  There is a monitor connected to the lab and they flash on the screen our petri dish with our name on it and we confirm that it is ours.  Then they insert the catheter.  We had some HCG added to the embryo solution.  That is a fairly newer trick they are trying to help with implantation.  They whole procedure we can see on another ultrasound monitor to the side of me.  They insert the embryos and take a picture and we have a photo of the exact second they come back to me.  As soon as I saw them on the screen I closed my eyes and began to talk to them.  I welcomed them home and promised I would take good care of them for the next 9 months and hoped that they would stay.  When it was over you stay on the gurney for about 20 minutes.  As soon as the doctors and nurses left.  I put my hand on my belly to say hello and Ryan did too.

After the FET I went back to acupuncture for  my follow up treatment.  I then came home, ate some soup, only warm food for the next two weeks and practically melted onto the couch.  Between all the stress of the day I was exhausted.  Later, I watched comedies on Netflix.  I had read that laughing is really good, both for your emotional self as well as it physically helps increase blood flow to your stomach muscles.