Trying Again for a Sibling

So here we are, back at it again.  We have two embryos left from our previous cycle so we are moving forward to try for a sibling.  To catch you up, or for those that didn't follow our other blog that continued on from here once we became pregnant, on Dec 29th 2016 we welcomed our son into the world.  However, our pregnancy, wasn't the happy wonderful time in our lives that we had hoped for.  We found out we were pregnant with twins early on.  Then we were told we were about the miscarry one and possibly both and were put on immediate and strict bedrest.  Then we pulled through and held on to both babies.  Then at 12 weeks and 5 days, we found out that baby B had serious issues, his organs were all formed outside of his ribs. (I refer to him as a he, but we were never able to confirm gender)  This meant he wouldn't survive outside of my belly for much more than a few hours at best and they started talking to us about palliative care. We were then told that he was 'breathing' toxins into the amniotic fluid and that with each breath, he was causing harm to baby A.  We were faced with the horrible task of having to say goodbye too early.  But of course this also faced issues.  The procedure done had a high chance of effecting baby A as well, but by doing nothing, there posed an even higher risk of losing both babies.  So on June 25th, at 13 weeks and 1 day, we said good bye to Baby B and hoped and prayed that Baby A would survive.  Baby A did survive, but part of me didn't.  I will never ever forget that day, that procedure, that doctor, it is my forever nightmare. My entire 39 weeks of pregnancy, I was on bedrest or restricted activity for all but 5 weeks.  So to say the least, it was awful.  I will always have a hole in my heart and a little bit of my soul that feels incomplete.  I mourn my baby often.  There aren't a lot of words to explain the pain I feel.  I should have two babies,  my son should have his brother, but we don't and I've had to figure out a way to continue on for him.  It took a lot of therapy and a lot of tears and I still feel like it happened yesterday.
The last thing I want to do is live through another pregnancy, it was by far the worst time of my life.  And I thought trying to get pregnant was awful, but losing our baby was about as low as I have ever felt.  So why are we doing this again?????  Because I feel like I owe it to my son to at least try for a sibling.  I have a brother and I had so much fun growing up with him, and while only children are fine, I just would love my son to have a sibling.  Reason number 2 is that we already created these embryos.  They are just waiting for us and the opportunity at life.  They deserve a chance.

So like I started out this blog, here we are again.  Our last cycle was the only time I became pregnant in 6 1/2 years of treatments so we are going to duplicate that cycle.  That means that step 1 is a d&c in order to create a new and fresh uterine lining.  I will be put under anesthesia, but it will be a simple procedure. We will be doing that in January.  In the meantime I am going to put some focus on getting my body baby ready.  That means a trip to the naturopath and lots of trips to the gym as well on some mental health steps to wrap my head around gearing up for this.  Even though we will be a nervous wreck if it does work, we would love more than anything for it to work.  However, this is our one and only shot at it.  We will be transferring both embryos and so its a one and done situation, either it works or it doesn't.  So we are hoping and praying for it to work and to be able to give our son a sibling.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we embark on this journey because we will need all the support we can get.
Welcome to our journey of round 2!

Thanks for Reading,
HEATHER

Follow Up Lab Results

Yesterday we met with the two naturopathic doctors that we have been working with.  Ryan had the day off so he went with me to get my results.  The doctors work in the same office (they are actually married) and I have worked with both so we had the appointment with both of them.  It was nice to get both of their opinions on my lab results and what to do going forward.

The reason for the recent lab work was twofold.  First, we wanted to recheck that all my critical vitamin levels were where the needed to be.  Since I am a vegetarian, I am always worried that my levels aren't where they need to be.  Last year my results came back severely anemic at 12.  I have been working really hard to get that where it needs to be.  Secondly, we did some autoimmune testing and some blood clot testing.  This is more commonly referred to as a miscarriage panel.  Usually if you have 3 miscarriages, your doctor will run it.  Since that is absolutely the last thing we want to happen, we just paid out of pocket for this lab panel.  It cost is about $700.

Our results were great, or maybe I should say par for the course, they didn't show anything wrong with me or anything the doctor would be concerned about.  This also means we have no idea why this isn't working.  By default we are again, undiagnosed and by default that points to egg quality.  But looking at the glass as half full, there is no reason not to hope that it will work this time.  Especially since we have two normal embryos to work with that are waiting for us.

The vitamin/supplements that I looked at were Iron, B12, Vitamin D and looked at my thyroid again.  Everything came back where it should be at except my Vitamin D came back low for the second time in a row.  I was taking 5,000 units, then upped it to 7,000 and now I am going to try taking 10,000.

The most exciting news is that I can start to cut back on the obscene amount of pills that I take.  As I finish off bottles, there will be no reordering for most of them.  Here is what my FET protocol looks like so far:
Medicine
Levothyroxine 75mcg 1 x day  - (I have to run this by my RE to get his approval and for the prescription)
Dexamethasone .75mg per day - I start this steroid once I start the interlipids

Supplements:
B12/B complex
Vitamin D3
Selenium
Probiotics
DHA
Iron
Vitamin C
CoQ10
Vitamin E

And that's it!!  Compared to my prep for ER this is so much more manageable.

Ryan and I are feeling both anxious and nervous.  Ryan is more hopeful than I am.  I am scared for another bout of depression if this fails.  The last BFN did a number on me so it is very hard for me to get too excited.  I'm glad that I have Ryan to think the positive thoughts for both of us.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

PS If anyone out there is looking for a naturopathic doctor, I can't recommend these two enough.  They both are very kind and compassionate doctors which is so very important in dealing with infertility.  They also look at things that your RE doesn't even consider.  I just like that they are looking at my whole body and not just my ovaries in order to get EVERYTHING in working order.  Here is their info: http://sandiegonaturalhealth.com/

Regroup

We had our regroup yesterday with our doctor and came up with a FET protocol and strategy.  We have a few things that are up to us to decide before we move forward.  Our doctor wants to do another test to make sure my uterus is still normal.  We are also doing a few blood tests with our naturopathic doctor just to make sure that we are checking everything we possibly can.

The most exciting news we received  yesterday was  that we found out the gender of our two embryos.  We have decided at this time that we are going to keep that news to ourselves.  We want to keep some part of our reproductive life to ourselves :)  If we actually get a BFP, then we will share.

The first thing we need to do is another sonohysterogram (SHG).  This is a test to make sure there is nothing in my uterus that would interfere with the embryo implanting such as polyps, adhesions or fibroids.  I had this done last year and there were no issues.  My doctor wants to do another one to make sure there hasn't been any changes.  This is a painless test that only take a few minutes in the doctors office.

The first big decision we have is how many embryos to implant.  If we implant both we have a 65% chance and if we implant only one, we have a 50% chance.  Obviously if we implant both then we also have a higher chance of twins which we would be totally fine with.  But if it doesn't work, we would have nothing left to try again.  Or if it does work and only one takes, then we don't have another chance for a sibling.  We have up until the day before the transfer to decide.  Knowing us we will go back and forth a million times before we make up our minds.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER