Yesterday was great. I felt a million times better after acupuncture. After being sick for so many days in a row, it was so nice to be able to eat lunch again. The worst symptom I have is a headache that just won't quit, but I always get a headache so it wasn't a shock.
Last night we went to hear Meb Keflezighi speak. He is the 2014 winner of the Boston Marathon. He has written a book called Meb for Mortals. His book is about setting goals and preparation and hard work. He was a great speaker, very funny and has an amazing story to tell. The hard part was hearing that if you set goals and do everything you can, thats how you can make your goals become reality. And yes, I understand that he meant physical goals but all I kept thinking was that I have done literally all that I can do. Where is my payoff? 
The hard part over the next several days will be dealing with the emotions that are bubbling over the surface. While the drugs do make me a bit crazy and heighten all the emotions, the emotions are there and would be there, with or without drugs. It's really hard being stuck in this situation and feeling that I am doing all that I can and I am not getting results that I want from all this effort. Then you turn on the tv and watch the news and it is filled with all these horrible stories with horrible people and they all have kids. It's so unfair. It feels so unfair. We all say that it is unfair, but that doesn't change the situation. Children are everywhere and all I can think is 'why not me?', 'why not us'? And to add salt to the wound, Mother's Day is coming up and it is a stab to the heart reminder that I'm not one. I keep getting emails about Mother's Day brunch and hurry and buy Mother's day gifts. The advertisers just won't quit. So yesterday I cried about 5 or 6 times over various things.
Having a great support systems is really helpful during times like this. I have friends I've met online, my support group here, my acupuncturist, my friends outside of the infertility community, my dog, my family and most of all my husband. It takes all these shoulders for me to lean on to get through the next week or two.
Thanks for reading,
HEATHER
I think the same thing too when I listen to speakers about setting goals and how does that work for being pregnant. . .in our minds we're doing everything right. Setting physical goals like running a marathon seems straight forward, there's no mystery. You just train slowly and have the will to do it. Well for pregnancy you can have the will to want it, and but for some of us the path from A to B is a mystery.
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