Coming Out of the Infertility Closet

Ryan and I have been TTC since 2011 and were officially diagnosed with unexplained infertility in January 2012.  We kept this fact a secret for a very very very long time.  After being asked for what felt like the millionth time by the millionth person 'when are you guys going to start  a family, you have been married 3 years already?' we finally let our families and a very select few close friends in on what was going on.  Even though a handful of people knew what we were going through, I still felt very alone in my pain.

Then I started obsessively reading about infertility.  Luckily there is a large amount available at the library.  I would guess that I read close to 100 books on the subject and something like 500 articles.  When I say I was obsessed, I was obsessed.  It was at this point that I started to feel a little more normal about the situation.  When you suffer alone, it takes a tole.  Reading that others felt the same way I was feeling, was a huge help in keeping my sanity.  I have listed some of my favorite books below.

The next step was to join a support group.  That was in February 2014.  I went to the first few meetings alone and then Ryan started to join in as well.  This was a huge turning point in my infertility journey.  To meet others and to be able to talk about what its like living with this disease, was a huge life saver.  Shortly after that, I took over running the meeting and was happy to do it.  I still run the meeting now.  I wish everyday that I would have meet these wonderful people in a different way, but I am so grateful to have them in my life.  It has become such an amazing support system that I can't believe it took me two years to get here.  I want to shake my naive former self and say 'Get your butt to a meeting now!  It will save you so many unnecessary miserable days of feeling alone".

I got to the point where I could not spend any more energy keeping this secret.  It is what it is.  It sucks and I hate it, but it isn't something to be ashamed of.  So much of my time is spent dealing with this disease I can't spend one more moment trying to hide it.  I used the National Infertility Awareness Week as my time to come out of the infertility closet.  I sent an email to some people and publicly posted about it on facebook which I had never done before.  As soon as I did, I literally felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.  It was therapeutic and wonderful and I don't regret it at all.  There was a lot of apprehension because over the years I have been told several thing that were hurtful.  Not one of which was intentional, but hurt nonetheless.  I was showered  with support from friends and it was amazing.

As I write this blog, I hope that others get the courage to stop hiding.  It is so isolating at a time where support is so important.  And if your friends really aren't that supportive then maybe they aren't really your friends.   Good luck!


Books I recommend:

Infertility Survival Handbook 

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Elizabeth Swire Falker

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-infertility-survival-handbook-elizabeth-swire-falker

This book really tells it like it is.  I felt very scared going into my first IVF and this really is a handbook for what to expect.

What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting 

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Marc Sedaka, 

Gregory Rosen 

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/what-he-can-expect-when-shes-not-expecting-marc-sedaka

This is a great quick read.  It talks more from the emotional side.

Is Your Body Baby-Friendly? 

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Alan E. Beer

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/is-your-body-baby-friendly-alan-e-beer
A real eye-opener.  This book was my first glimpse into all the other aspects of what could cause infertility aside from eggs and sperm.

This blog has been posted to RESOLVE under the blogger campaign for NIAW called 'You Are Not Alone'.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER