Next Steps

Although SDFC told us we could jump right into prepping for our transfer, Ryan and I have decided to wait.  I was still feeling the effects of the stims and my period after and IVF is very long and very unpleasant.  We just felt like it would be a better idea to let my body get back to normal before starting to prime for the FET.  For the last few years we have mainly focused on egg and sperm quality.  Now we are switching our focus to implementation.

Between now and our transfer, here is what we are working on;

• The first thing I did was take milk thistle to help push all the drugs out of my system.  My ER was two weeks ago and I am just now feeling back to normal.
• Yoga!!!  I am so excited to be back taking yoga.  I missed it so much.   I go 4-5 times a week faithfully but during my last cycle I put my membership on hold.  I do aerial yoga and I just couldn't do it with a headache and with my stomach.  Now I'm back and loving it.  
• I am going back to see the naturopathic doctor for some new testing and some retesting.  Before I was focusing on egg quality and overall health.  Now I am going to do the miscarriage panel just to make sure I'm not overlooking anything.
• I'm going back to my strict diet.  During my stims I really just stuck with eating gluten free and vegetarian.  Now that I'm feeling better I am back to gluten free, grain free, low sugar and of course vegetarian.

Thanks for reading,

HEATHER

Final Embryo Report part 2

WE GOT 1 MORE NORMAL!!!!!!! - Couldn't wait until the end of the blog to share :)  Here are the details.

 Waiting by the phone never gets any easier.  These calls never get easier.  The sleepless nights never go away.  I waited all day yesterday for the call from the embryologist to call with the final report on our last 2 blasts.  I got a call around 3:30pm saying the results weren't in yet.  Hopefully they would come in the next day but Monday at the latest.

I finally fell asleep around 3am and woke up around 5am.  I woke up with a racing heart as if I drank 10 shots of espresso.  The results of today's call is just so huge.  Anymore normals and we significantly increase our chance of becoming parents at least once.  If the final 2 are abnormal, then we have officially closed a chapter in our books and our potential child will never have the chance of a sibling.  

The phone rang and I swear she was talking in slow motion. She finally revealed that we have 1 more normal to add to the one already waiting on ice for us.  I asked that she not reveal the sex because I wanted my husband and I to be together when we find out.  We have a follow up on June 1st to discuss next steps and at that appointment we will get the official report which will reveal the sex of both embryos.  

Here are our results of all our embryos:

1 - IVF bank cycle #1, biopsy date 3/16 - CHROMOSOMALLY NORMAL
2 - IVF bank cycle #1, biopsy date 3/17 - ANEUPLOIDY  (discarded)
3 - IVF bank cycle #2, biopsy date 5/11 - ANEUPLOIDY  (discarded)
4 - IVF bank cycle #2, biopsy date 5/12 - ANEUPLOIDY  (discarded)
5 - IVF bank cycle #2, biopsy date 5/12 - CHROMOSOMALLY NORMAL

After she revealed that we had 1 normal, she discussed that we had another aneuploidy and that she needed my permission to discard it.  I told her she was breaking my heart but that I understood.   Between having another discussion about having to discard another unusable embryo that I had worked so hard to create, and the ecstatic news of hearing that we had two normals, as soon as I hung up the phone, I burst into tears.  I called Ryan to tell him the good news, but I couldn't talk at first.  Infertility is just such an emotional rollercoaster.  I finally got the good news out and I could hear his excitement on the other end of the phone.

Part of the reason why this news is so emotional is because NONE of the doctors that we have meet with thought we would get here.  After our first 3 failed IVFs, we were told to move on to either donor or adoption.  Ryan and I were not ready to move on from the idea of have genetically related children.  So we decided to press on.  The doctor we are working with now gave us less than 7% chance on having a child.  And he was one of the more generous ones.  Basically, once you have 3 failed IVFs you become a lost cause in the infertility world of statistics.  He suggested that we do 3 banking cycle to get between 5 - 8 Day 5 blasts.  Statistically if we had at least 6 embryos, our PGS would come back with only 1 normal.  So now looking at having 2 normals with only 5 chances, you can see why this was such great news.

The next steps are preparing for the FET.  I have a regroup with my doctor on June 1.  Then we will come up with a strategy.  So far I know I am going to do the uterine scratching and intralipids.   I'll talk about those in a later post.  

Nothing is guaranteed and just because we have a normal embryo transfer, does not mean it will implant even, let alone grow into a child.  However we just significantly increased the odds of that happening. I am over the moon.  This is really the first good news we have heard in a very long time.  

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Final Embryo Report - Day 6

So going into today, we had 1 blast, 4 potential blasts and lost everything else.  Of the 4 potential blast 2 did in fact make it to full blast form however they both were not graded that high, but good enough to biopsy and freeze.  So the final total from this cycle was 1 Day 5 blast and 2 Day 6 blasts.

This was our second cycle in a back to back banking cycle.  Our first cycle in March ended with 1 Day 5 blast and 1 Day 6 blast.  So we had 5 total embryos from both cycles.

The cells from the biopsy have been sent to Los Angeles for  PGS testing.  PGS testing test the chromosomes in the embryos and looks for abnormalities that wouldn't support life.  If you would like to learn more specifics about PGS and PGD,  click here.

A few of our cells slides have been tested already and we received our first report today.   Here are our results so far:

1 - IVF bank cycle #1, biopsy date 3/16 - CHROMOSOMALLY NORMAL
2 - IVF bank cycle #1, biopsy date 3/17 - ANEUPLOIDY  (discarded)
3 - IVF bank cycle #2, biopsy date 5/11 - ANEUPLOIDY  (discarded)
4 - IVF bank cycle #2, biopsy date 5/12 - ??????
5 - IVF bank cycle #2, biopsy date 5/12 - ??????

We should have the results tomorrow or Thursday at the latest for the last two.  Fingers crossed.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Embryo Report - Day 5

Today's the big day, the Day 5 report.  Today is  the day that all this hard work, the tears, the elimination diet, the stress, the supplements, the doctor appointments, the blood draws, the 100+ vials of medication given by my husband in 13 days and the anxiety have all been for.  The ultimate goal is getting as many embryos as you can get to make it to Day 5 blasts.  Blasts (Blastocyst) are basically when the embryo takes on the shape of what will hopefully the future baby.  There is an inner portion which will form the embryo and grow to become the baby and an outer section that forms the placenta.  The Morula stage has about 16 cells, the blast stage has 200-300 cells so a lot has to happen  to get here.  If the embryos makes it to this stage today, they will be biopsied and frozen.  If they are slower than they should be, they get 1 more day and 1 last chance to catch up and will be kept in culture and looked at tomorrow.

Because of the gravity of the situation, I achieved about 2 hours of sleep last night and Ryan got about 4.  Even Parker couldn't sleep, she picks up on our anxiety I think.   So I waited all day for the results.  The phone rang around 4pm.

We have:
1 blast (Good quality) - this is the only embryo that is right on track and exactly where it should be
4 early blasts (fair to good quality) - these are much farther behind where they should be
2 poor quality - discarded
5 officially not growing anymore - discarded

WE ARE DEVASTATED.

Embryo Report - Day 4

Flowers from my Mom from her garden.  They smell amazing!

Today's embryos should be compacting and forming Morulae. Cells at the Morula stage are not as distinct in shape so they do not get graded, but the rest that are still dividing and haven't quite made it to the Morulae stage yet still get the same grade scale of good, fair and poor.

Here is our report:

Morula-stage embryo

3 - complete Morulae
2 - 8 cell (graded good)
2 - 8 cell (graded fair)
1 - 7 cell (graded fair)
3 - 6 cell (graded fair)
1 - 4 cell (graded fair)
2 - 1 cells discarded today

The 3 that have completed the Morulae stage are right on track and have a very good chance of making it to tomorrow.  Our embryologist said that the 8 cells and the 7 cells are still growing so we need to check tomorrow to see if they have started to compact.  If they do, then they will be considered viable as well.   The 6 cells and the 4 cells have pretty much slowed down.  They are still technically growing, but there isn't very much hope for them to survive the night.  So now we are down to 8 viable embryos.  I had to end the call with the conversation of destroying the two 1 cell embryos so those are no longer with us.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

How to Treat Someone with Infertility

This article has been taken from the RESOLVE website.  I am posting this because tomorrow is the hardest day of the year for myself and all my friends that are struggling with infertility.  While I still want to celebrate my own Mother and all she has done for me, it is very hard to see all the Mother's Day cards and commercials and emails that are all around us. I will not be logging on the email, FB or even using my phone tomorrow.  Luckily my Mother is very understanding and does what she can to make the holiday less painful.  Last year, we celebrated the weekend before and this Mother's Day we are staying inside and having a brunch at her house.  I really appreciate the effort that my family gives to help me make it through the day and love them very much for it.  

Not only do I have an awesome family that is so wonderful, I also have great friends.  I met a friend for lunch today who gave me these beautiful flowers to celebrate getting through my final round of IVF stim drugs.  She also paid for my lunch.  I really needed that today and it was a very nice surprise.  

This is for those that know someone struggling with infertility and don't know how to handle it.  Love to all the people out there and good luck getting through the next 24 hours.

Infertility Etiquette

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:

• They will eventually conceive a baby.
• They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
• They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.

Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.

Don't Tell Them to Relax

Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.

Don't Minimize the Problem

Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.
Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.

Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen

Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?
Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.
People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.

Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents

One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.

Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is a method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"

Don't Be Crude

It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.

Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy

This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."
I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.

Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant

For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.
Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.

Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition

Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.
Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.

Don't Push Adoption (Yet)

Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.
You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.
Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lessen the load. Here are a few ideas.

Let Them Know That You Care

The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.

Remember Them on Mother's Day

With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.
Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.

Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments

No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.

Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER

Embryo Report - Day 3

Day 3 Embryo Report

Today we are looking for embryos to continue to grow and divide.  They are also graded more strictly today.  They grade based on symmetry of the cells and by coloring and pigment. They only have 3 grades, Good, fair and poor.  Basically they have to be perfect to get good and unusable to get poor so almost all of them are graded fair.  Ideally, embryos should be between 4 - 8 cells.

8 cell embryo

Here is our report:

4 - 8 cells (2 are good, 2 are fair)
3 - 6 cells (All are fair)
4 - 5 cells (All are fair)
1 - 4 cell (Graded good)
2 - 1 cell (These are the same as yesterday, still not dividing.  If the don't divide by tomorrow they will be discarded)

The good news...
We have GOOD embryos!  That is awesome.  We didn't have any last time so we are very pleased with this news.  We also didn't lose any between yesterday and today which is also good news.

The tough news to swallow...
The moment the embryologist talks about discarding our embryos it's like a stab to the heart.  It is such a difficult conversation to have.  They need our permission to do so which is why they bring it up.  It is just so hard to give up on them.  Logically I understand, but emotionally I feel like I just worked so hard for those little guys and as soon as they say they need to be discarded I picture someone just tossing them away in a trashcan.  I just wish they could serve some purpose like research perhaps, just being trashed it so difficult to hear.

Thanks for reading,
HEATHER