Cycle Day 12

This is Heather's husband Ryan. Heather asked me to write today's blog entry and discuss the male perspective on infertility. I thought it would be helpful to talk about the clinical and social aspects of dealing with this condition.

Me reading our follicle count

As you know from reading Heather's blog, we are diagnosed with both unexplained infertility however while we are cycling most of the attention is focused on Heather. I do get to take large quantities of vitamins (a photo of which appeared on an earlier post) but like most things fertility related, what I ingest is relatively small compared with what Heather has. My responsibilities going through an IVF cycle typically consist of administering the shots and providing as much support to Heather as I can. Going through an IVF cycle can be very frustrating as a male. As you know from reading Heather's post, the shots and side effects of the medication can be very painful and it is tough watching her go through it. If I could take the shots for her I would but sadly I do not believe it would be as effective. At this stage of the cycle her discomfort and emotions are all running to the max and I am doing my best to be as emotionally supportive as I can (I still manage to occasionally frustrate her at times though :). To provide support, I try to keep as calm an exterior as I possibly can, however on the inside I feel extremely angry and frustrated. Like others in our situation I am just mad that we have to go through this.

Socially, dealing with infertility on the male side is very isolating. My friends do not really understand the issues that we are facing and it is tough to constantly address why we do not have kids. To further complicate the issue we are at the age where all of our friends are having/had kids and it is hard to see them all moving on while we are still stuck going through this. At times it is all very overwhelming to deal with infertility, provide as much support to Heather as I can, as well as dealing with stress at work. Fortunately for me, I told my boss and he is understanding of me leaving work to go to our numerous appointments. We have met many people going through this journey who do not have the support from their superiors at work and I don't know how they manage. Sometimes the stress from everything: job, family, infertility is just so much I can feel myself shutting down. As a coping mechanism I have generally withdrawn from my social circles which is fairly common according to many other men I have talked with who are also dealing with infertility. I know the isolation is not healthy and I am trying to step back out into the world but it is hard, especially when you see everyone around you getting pregnant. Fortunately Heather runs a support group here in San Diego and there is a strong male presence at the meetings. It is tough for me to discuss my feelings in public but just knowing the other guys in the meeting can relate to what I am going through makes even the standard male conversations about work and sports very therapeutic. Also hearing them discuss their own issues reminds me I am not alone.

Hope this provides everyone with a small glimpse of the male side. To update everyone on our cycle: today was a good day for us though as the news from the doctor was very positive: we have 16 follicles and it looks like they are all progressing very well! There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I am counting the days until our retrieval!

Thanks for reading,
Ryan